Ayat lawak Mr. Karam Singh Walia

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Ayat lawak Mr. Karam Singh Walia

Postby justin02 » Sat Aug 06, 2011 3:18 pm

Senarai ayat-ayat lawak dia ni :

1. Biar lambat asalkan tak cepat

2. Biar putih tulang, jangan kuning gigi

Klik sini lebih lanjut : http://plbgaimacam.blogspot.com/2011/08/ayat-lawak-mr-karam-singh-walian.html
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Re: Ayat lawak Mr. Karam Singh Walia

Postby Bukit_Padang_Roller » Thu Aug 11, 2011 4:56 pm

owh,ok :hmmm:
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Re: Ayat lawak Mr. Karam Singh Walia

Postby BosouTurongou » Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:22 pm

yg ringan sama di junjung...yg berat masing-masing.. :hmmm:
[spoiler]A spoiler is an automotive aerodynamic device whose intended design function is to 'spoil' unfavorable air movement across a body of a vehicle in motion. Spoilers on the front of a vehicle are often called air dams, because in addition to directing air flow they also reduce the amount of air flowing underneath the vehicle which reduces aerodynamic lift. Spoilers are often fitted to race and high-performance sports cars, although they have become common on passenger vehicles as well. Some spoilers are added to cars primarily for styling purposes and have either little aerodynamic benefit or even make the aerodynamics worse.Spoilers for cars are often incorrectly confused with, or the term used interchangeably with, wings. Automotive wings are devices whose intended design is to generate downforce as air passes around them, not simply disrupt existing airflow patterns.Spoilers function by disrupting airflow passing over and around a moving vehicle. This diffusion is accomplished by increasing amounts of turbulence flowing over the shape, "spoiling" the laminar flow and providing a cushion for the laminar boundary layer.[citation needed] Often spoilers are added solely for appearance with no thought towards practical purpose

The main design goal of a spoiler in passenger vehicles is to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency[1]. While many often imitate wings and airfoils, these serve mostly decorative purposes. Passenger vehicles can be equipped with front and rear spoilers. Front spoilers, found beneath the bumper, are mainly used to direct air flow away from the tires to the underbody where the drag coefficient is less. Rear spoilers, which modify the transition in shape between the roof and the rear and the trunk and the rear, act to minimize the turbulence at the rear of the vehicle.Sports cars are most commonly seen with front and rear spoilers. Even though these vehicles typically have a more rigid chassis and a stiffer suspension to aid in high speed maneuverability, a spoiler can still be beneficial. This is because many vehicles have a fairly steep downward angle going from the rear edge of the roof down to the trunk or tail of the car. At high speeds, air flowing across the roof tumbles over this edge, causing air flow separation. The flow of air becomes turbulent and a low-pressure zone is created, increasing drag and instability (see Bernoulli effect). Adding a rear spoiler makes the air "see" a longer, gentler slope from the roof to the spoiler, which helps to delay flow separation. This decreases drag, increases fuel economy, and helps keep the rear window clean.

Front spoilers – A front spoiler, or air dam, is positioned under the front bumper. This type of spoiler originally was designed for racing cars and is shaped to reduce the airflow under the car. Air dams increase the airflow to the radiator, reduce aerodynamic drag and reduce lift. This type of spoilers is popular among owners of high-powered cars. Factory style spoilers – Most manufacturers of auto parts and accessories produce OE auto accessories. OE is more general referring to any part that came as original equipment on the car. Some of OE car parts and components are not actually made by the car manufacturer but are purchased and assembled by the automakers to create a vehicle. Compared to a universal fit auto part, which can be installed to any vehicle make, year and model, custom aftermarket spoilers are designed to fit only a particular vehicle. Most auto users prefer aftermarket products because they are less expensive than OEM replacements. While it is true that there may be some aftermarket auto parts that do not meet high standards of original equipments, it is not right to say that aftermarket products are generally inferior in terms of quality and style. Lip spoiler – Lip spoilers are produced in two variants rear and front lip spoilers. Front lip spoiler used in conjunction with side skirts makes the whole car appear much lower. It perfectly reveals a silhouette of you vehicle extending the length of the bumper cover. Rear lip spoiler is installed on the edge of the trunk lid. Due to its design lip spoiler has more aesthetic value than performance. Truck cap spoilers – Truck cap spoiler is mounted right on the edge of the trunk lid. Being a stylish accessory this type of spoilers is usually equipped with lights working as third brake lights. So every time the driver hits the brake pedal the lights on the truck cap spoiler ignite. Cab spoiler

– The cab spoilers manufactured for pickup truck owners who want to modify their vehicle. It attaches only to the top of the truck bed rails. It shields the rear window and cargo area from the sun. It also provides cab shade reducing sun glare. The cab spoilers available with xenon lamps for better visibility on the road. Rear wings – Wings can be described as special wing-like structures. Unlike a plane's wings, which are designed to generate lift, these wings are designed to generate Downforce, literally pushing the car downwards. This increase stability and grip Most of the cars used in car races and other fast action-packed sports have rear wings as well as front spoilers and other aerodynamic modifications. They're available in a number of various designs and colors and it is even possible to have them custom-made. There are readily spoilers available, which can be installed on to the car with ease.
Ridiculous spoilers – There are three main purposes of car spoilers [2]: reduce drag, increase fuel efficiency, decorative purposes. But there is a group of people who create spoilers for their vehicles from anything that is far from being spoiler material. Such ridiculous spoiler fashion is very popular in Japan. There are constantly held competitions among such car enthusiasts.[edit]

We just got back from the launch of the facelifted Proton Persona, which is officially called the Proton Persona Elegance. Available in three trim levels – Base Line, Medium Line and High Line – the Persona Elegance is powered by the familiar 1.6-litre Campro IAFM engine with 110 bhp at 6,500 rpm and 148 Nm of torque from 4000 rpm. Buyers can choose between a four-speed automatic or five-speed manual, but the High Line model only comes with the auto ‘box.
Although output remains, the Campro IAFM in the Persona Elegance comes with a new 32 bit ECU from Continental, which also supplied the previous 16 bit version. According to a Proton source, the new 32 bit ECU has more capabilities compared to the older 16 bit version – capable of more inputs, you can configure more parameters, and it can also interconnect with more systems such as “talking” to a Body Control Module such as the one in the Exora.
It is more of a future-proofing and cost-effectiveness move. Torque and power output remains the same as before. Firstly, Siemens VDO have been moving their global ECU manufacturing to 32 bit being the minimum, so it is not feasible for Proton to continue ordering 16 bit ECUs when the 32 bit version can be had at a far more competitive price. This move is also in preparation for the new Project Phoenix engine that we will soon see in Protons, which will require the capabilities of the new ECU.
UPDATE: Since we first published this article we’ve received more information on the new Persona Elegance. The changes go beyond just an aesthetic make-over. We already know there’s a new bodykit, front grille, bumpers and new LED tail lamps. But beyond that, here’s what’s different:
• The seat backrest angle has been changed to offer better comfort.
• Extra soundproofing material has been added to pillars to improve interior NVH.
• Despite power output and torque being the same, a source has indicated that the engine should feel livelier and more responsive. We’ll try to get an initial impression from the showrooms over this weekend.
The original story continues below…
There are a couple of changes to the exterior. As all of you already know from our previous reveals, the Persona Elegance comes with a new rear lamp cluster, now with LED brake lights. The nine LEDs are arranged in two rows – four up and five down. All trims except for the Base Line come with a bodykit, slim rear spoiler and foglamps, although the turning lamps on the side mirrors (illuminates in a cool light bar form) and chrome door handles are standard across the board.
Up front, the facelifted Persona uses the same nose as the Gen 2 CPS along with its “black out” headlamp housing, but with a different grille design. The Proton logo and its “wings” is pushed up to the top of the grille while the Gen 2 CPS has a central emblem. The 15-inch rim design is also new, although the 195/60 size of the tyres are unchanged. As before, the Base Line makes do with steel rims and hubcaps.
Inside, the most apparent change is the replacement of the previous custom designed audio head unit for a conventional single-DIN unit, once again by Blaupunkt. The USB compatible unit should be easier to operate than before with minimal and large buttons, and all trims but the Base Line get steering wheel controls. The meter cluster graphics are also new, now with white numbering and red needles plus a red inner ring, much more “premium looking” than the plain orange dials used before. Proton also says that the angle of rear seat has been changed for improved comfort.
Medium and High Line cars get a GPS navigation set stuck on the windscreen, driver’s seat height adjuster and electric side mirrors. Only the High Line gets leather seats and trim (Base and Medium Line sports a new fabric material), cruise control and remote release for the trunk.
Safety kit wise, the High Line comes with ABS and EBD, two airbags and two pre-tensioner seatblets. Out of this, the Medium Line only gets a driver’s airbag and pre-tensioner seatbelt, while the Base Line gets none of the above.
Here is the price list for the Persona Elegance:
Base Line (M) RM46,499
Base Line (A) RM49,499
Medium Line (M) RM52,999
Medium Line (A) RM55,999
High Line (A) RM59,499
Proton’s latest is available in two new colours – Chiffon Green and Bronze Garnet – in addition to silver and black. Brilliant Red is a colour exclusive to the High Line. Now in showrooms and ready for booking, the Persona Elegance comes with a 2-year/50,000 km manufacturer’s warranty plus a 3-year/125,000 km extended warranty programme – that’s a total of 5 years.
Pictures from the launch this morning, studio images, a video and a full scan of the brochure showing the equipment list of all variants are after the jump.

We’re a busy lot manning this website. Unlike monthly magazines or newspaper pullouts, daily updates mean that there isn’t much time to organise shootouts. But when the Nissan Teana came along, it was a great opportunity to test the newcomer and compare it with the Japanese D-segment stalwarts – the Toyota Camry and Honda Accord.

Here’s a slightly different take on the good old triple test: one weekend, three drivers, three opinions. In this 3-in-1, we look at various aspects of the competing cars with the aim of pointing out more than what a solo reviewer normally can.

Concept cars do come to life, but sans the motorshow bling, may not be that captivating after all. I remember being at the Nissan stand at the 2007 Tokyo Motor Show, looking at the feminine product named Intima concept.

That huge sedan has morphed into the Teana that we see here, relatively intact – the shape, the signature arch, the boot shape, rear lights, and even the dash architecture, they’re all similar to what the design team envisioned. Only the concept’s impractical B-pillarless frame and four-seater layout was deleted.

In the real world, the Teana looks bigger than it really is. We’d never had guessed, but the Teana is 95 mm shorter and slimmer than the Accord. Not only big, but grand as well, which is important in a segment that satisfies the ‘luxury’ needs of the mass market.

Style is subjective, but I’m not a fan of the Teana’s looks. The plain front end would be how a larger Sentra will look like if there was such a thing, but the bigger issue is the bulbous rear end of the Nissan. Backpacks aren’t the most elegant of things to carry around.

The other two are familiar views. The Accord is the largest of our trio, but its mass is masked well, while the Camry’s shape is quite timeless. Never fashionable or shouty, the Toyota was elegant when it was launched, and still looks classy today. The mid life facelift in 2009 gave it a sportier face that works well on that comparatively slimline body. Five years down the road, it’ll look the least dated.

The Nissan Teana is not the most photogenic car out of the three Japanese barges in this three-way test, but I personally like its clean cut no-frills looks very much, with a big prominent chrome grille up front and sizeable headlamps. The side angle is also very clean, and this is perhaps the Teana’s best angle when you photograph it as it just presents itself as a large and grand-looking sedan, almost American in its looks.

The rear end also looks the most outstanding when parked next to the Accord and Camry – the LED design in the rear tail lamps give it a lot of character, and the Teana can also be very easily mistaken for something pricier than it really is, especially at night.

The xenon HID headlamps are very bright, and when photographing the cars we found that most of the time the camera lens was pretty much overwhelmed by the amount of light hitting it directly. I think Nissan may have angled the Teana’s HID headlamps a little too high for the comfort of other motorists (it’s JPJ approved though), although as a result it casts light further, benefiting the driver.

The Teana looks huge and I believe it was a conscious decision by the designers to style the car in such a way that it looks as big and grand as possible. But when parked next to the Accord and Camry, it looked curiously narrow in comparison, and you can actually see the top half of the car get slimmer by curving in from the shoulder line to the roof. The Teana didn’t just look narrow as we found out later when observing the interior.

Joining us from the H-camp is the pre-facelift 8th generation Honda Accord, which will be facelifted sometime this month. It’s got the most aggressive looking design out of the three, which kind of hides how large it looks. When you place it next to the Camry and Teana, it looks the widest as well as the longest. The rear end has the least night-time presence when compared to the Camry and the Teana, which both feature a LED design in their tail lamps.

The facelift is expected to be a very minor one – a new front grille at the front, and some minor changes to the tail lamps, as seen from the US, Thai and Japanese market facelift photos. I wish Honda could have at least added some light bars to the tail lamps to bring the design up to date. The Accord has the most adventurous design, but it seems to be getting a little old.

Although there exists a current generation Camry with more radical looks akin to a larger Corolla, our market’s Camry’s exterior design is very safe. What you call a Camry in the US and Japan looks very different. Our Camry is actually derived from the Australian market Toyota Aurion, and you can actually see a very nice example in Naza World with a sporty black interior and a huge and powerful 3.5 litre V6 engine.

While not particularly exciting, I reckon the Camry’s design will be the one that will age the best amongst the three here. It’s also the only one with projector headlamps.

Looks are always a subjective thing, and so it is here. Now, plying the executive sedan path generally means that a design has to look more stoic than daring, if not to offend sensibilities of its intended audience, though emerging shapes in the class are displaying more fluid, flowing lines.

For me, of the trio, preference goes towards the Camry – not the most exciting, of course, but the XV40 looks like its hewn from a solid mass of metal; the lines and flow-through textures work very well, and arguably this is a shape that will retain its appeal best as time goes by. Toyota has its work absolutely cut out in making the next one as proportionately balanced, methinks.

The eight-generation Accord, well, never quite worked for me. It is muscular, certainly the boldest form of the three, but somehow seems like it tries too hard in how it interprets rugged and attempts appeal. And though only three years in, it doesn’t seem to be aging well, at least to my eyes.

As for the Teana, it tries to be safe, a little too safe, in my opinion. It’s the sort of outline you give a cursory look at, but don’t really linger to dissect the lines on. The front plays the safe game to a T, but the rear jumps out at you figuratively and literally, and looks a little too amplified in terms of proportion especially from a rear three-quarter view. Nonetheless, blend-into-the-background looks aren’t always a bad thing; you don’t excite, but you don’t offend either. Well, maybe you can hide that butt a bit better, Ingrid.

The first thing I noticed upon stepping in the Teana was the uncluttered/minimalist layout of the dash. It has the same (or more) functions than the other two, but they’re clustered in a way that makes the dash look sparse. Some will prefer this, others the button fest of the Accord, while most won’t find fault with the conventional Camry interior.

Coming from the Accord, the Teana feels narrow. The letterbox front door pockets are near useless and the centre console is slim. With the cupholders occupied, there isn’t enough space to empty my pocket’s contents. Like the Latio and Sylphy, today’s Nissan sedans aren’t the widest in their class, but they never scrimp on seat size. Speaking of that, the Teana’s seats (powered, with memory on driver’s side) are cushy and comfy. Next to Volvo, I can’t think of any carmaker that does it this way.

The luck of the draw meant that I spent most of the weekend in the Honda. It’s a dark place to be in, and I don’t particularly like the cluttered look, but it’s a conducive environment for faster/harder driving. The seats are firmest here, the lumbar support greatest, and the steering is smaller and quicker too. It’s also the only car here to have paddle shifters.

But the Accord is poor in equipment. Shockingly, this RM168k car doesn’t have a multi-info display, so there’s no way of knowing fuel consumption or available range. Personally, this is the biggest issue for me, kit wise. The others also have keyless entry with push button start while the Accord uses the standard key twist.

At the back, the big Honda offers the most legroom and feels the widest. But it’s the Teana’s light colours and well shaped bench that’s the most pleasing to the passenger. The Camry feels the coziest in the back, but it’s not what we would call cramped. The Teana is the winner in this aspect and we’re pretty sure your family will agree at the showroom.

The Nissan Teana easily has the best seats of the lot. We had all three cars lined up together and tested each of the seats one by one and I felt there was a marked difference on how the Teana’s seats felt, especially when it came to the rear seats.

However, the Teana’s front seats did not have much side support, as I found out later when it was time to trash the cars around a little around the bends. The Accord had decent side support and even though Camry isn’t much of a driver’s car, there was still something at the sides to lean against.

The Accord is one huge sedan on the inside. You can really take note of this while sitting in the rear seats looking towards the front, and legroom was in abundance, easily the best amongst the three cars. The Accord was also the widest, so you may want to take note of this if you plan to frequently fit three people in the rear.

I’m very particular about car interiors – I believe it’s far more important than the exteriors in the long run as that’s where you’ll be experiencing the car the most as the owner. So I’m going to point out some issues I found. We start with the Teana. Firstly, the interior is the narrowest of the lot. As a result, the two front passengers may sometimes find their elbows touching if you’re both large.

The door cards also seem to be quite thick, but this is presumably to create a more substantial space for door-mounted arm rests, which were quite good. The door card pocket storage is pretty much useless; it’s too small to store anything other than a couple of flyers or a folder of A4 papers and it can be a tight squeeze getting your fingers in there to maneuver it around to get anything. The only storage you have is the two cupholders aft of the gear lever. I couldn’t really find anywhere to keep my Smart Tag. There’s a small area in front of the gear lever but it isn’t really a container – there’s no side support there so things tend to fly off during corners.

The thickness of the door card also made it quite a tight fit to reach the electric seat adjuster controls – thankfully the memory function buttons are mounted higher up on the doorcard near the power window controls. The position of the engine start-stop button is also perfect, and it glows with a nice amber in the dark.

While the Teana felt narrow, interior length was quite excellent, closer to that of the Accord’s rather than the shorter Camry’s. Rear passengers get ample legroom and there’s substantial space to tuck your feet under the front seats. I had an issue with the rear center arm rest though – I felt that it was very low – too low to be of any use as an arm rest for me. This isn’t even a problem with personal preference – you can actually see that the rear door arm rests are much higher than the center seat armrest.

As you can see from the image above, the arm rest is of average thickness, yet it lies flat on the rear seats. Here lies the problem – the arm rest mounting point should have been mounted higher. The arm rest would end up shorter in terms of horizontal length when folded down, but this would allow a higher overall arm rest height, at least matching the arm rest height of the comfy one on the door.

The interior color theme of the Teana is rather unique. Nissan obviously picked this to give the cabin a nice airy and bright feel. I personally think it works and I have no complaints about the overall color scheme. I think it’s refreshing compared to the usual grey. But I do feel they should have made it a little more two tone – there’s actually a very nice darker shade used for the top of the dashboard but this isn’t used anywhere else in the cabin. Perhaps the top part of the doorcards and even the steering could be changed to be finished in this darker shade. Or Tan Chong could have just gone for this colour scheme (see linked image), but retain our shade of wood.

The bright beige on the steering wheel looks a little too monotonous and bottom heavy in terms of design. The all-beige steering color choice has already started to show its faults – in a Teana with close to 5,000km of mileage on it, the steering wheel is already starting to look very dirty.

Nissan has chosen to sort of compress the areas of the interior with controls down to as little areas as possible, so what you get is lots of beige and wood with concentrated clusters of small buttons. Wherever there isn’t beige, matte faux wood usage on the surfaces is maximised so much to the point that there are only minimal cut outs in the ‘wood’-finisher for the shifter and shift position indicators.

The climate control buttons are mounted high near the multi-function display with small buttons that need some getting used to. Because of the angle that they are mounted at, I felt that you couldn’t really see what button did what easily at a glance as they’re not at a very good eye level, but I think this shouldn’t pose much of a problem over a few weeks of ownership.

Another ergonomic issue that I had is the position of the volume control on the steering wheel – the button is quite small and is mounted quite far away from where your thumb would typically be able to reach if you’re grasping the steering wheel in a 3 and 9 o’clock position.

Arm rest issue aside, the Teana’s rear cabin space is simply the best place to be amongst all the three cars. It’s not the biggest but it’s definitely the cosiest. Thumbs up to Nissan for that.

The Accord goes with a completely different colour scheme – it’s all sporty black and grey, with a dark wood design! This kinda goes well with the car’s character actually, though you only get this in the 2.0 VTi-L and 2.4 VTi-L. The basic car gets a beige interior.

ubby holes in the Accord was better than the Teana’s. The door pocket storage was quite usable and there was some extra storage space in front of the gear lever. Some space is sacrificed for a proper handbrake (the Teana and Camry use foot brakes) yet they’ve managed to better the Teana in this aspect.

We had some concerns on how well the Accord’s interior stood the test of time. Our test car was about three years old and you could already see the silver paint peeling off on the piece of plastic near the door armrest. There’s also no multi-info display with average/real time fuel consumption, distance to empty, etc. No keyless entry and push start button either.

Our Camry test car was the most well appointed, with a 6-inch colour LCD 2-DIN player with Garmin GPS and reverse camera, but even that is an optional feature priced at about RM4,500. The GPS doesn’t allow you to key in addresses while you’re driving, by the way. The standard integrated head unit only has AUX input. A unique feature is the Plasmacluster air conditioner which is supposed to clean up your air. I didn’t feel much of a difference, but Anthony said it helped with the lingering smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes.

The Teana has AUX-in at least, but other than that it’s the usual case of large LCD screens in the interior that look like they could have a nice big colour screen installed, but instead are only filled with monochrome screens displaying large calculator-like fonts.
We don’t understand why these expensive D-segment cars sometimes offer so little in terms of standard multimedia features when even a car like the Perodua Myvi has Bluetooth and USB input. Even the Proton Exora has Bluetooth capabilities with steering wheel controls for telephony functions.

In terms of overall design and ergonomics, it’s hard to find fault with the Camry, other than the shiny brown wood, which looks a little tacky. Buttons and knobs are all very intuitive to find and use, and the Camry’s interior is by far the most convenient. The area between the two front seats has been maximised with two storage areas, and there are even two power sockets at the front – one at the usual cigarette lighter location below the radio, and another in one of the storage areas in between the front seats. The door pockets are more usable than the Teana’s too.

I like the additional passenger seat angle and slider controls that are easily accessible for the driver. There’s also a unique feature where you can even control the Plasmacluster air conditioner from the steering wheel, so the reason for you to take your hands off your steering wheel while driving are minimal. Everything is just very well sorted out.

Space should be a bit of a given for cars of this nature, and happily all three have ample enough to offer inside. At the back, the Accord, which has the largest cabin (and indeed, the largest car of the lot), takes the gong.

Even with a black interior, its volumetric scope is undeniable. Get into the back and you get a cavernous fore-aft perspective, and the front has oodles of space too. Its dashboard layout is certainly the most aggressive of the three – you either love the futuristic rocket-ship presentation, or you don’t.

Meanwhile, the Camry also has good dimensional acreage, second in terms of space offered at the back. Of course, while the Teana may be the smallest of the lot, it doesn’t feel cramped, and it actually has the best rear seats – they’re cosier than the Camry’s and the Accord’s.

Storage-wise, from a driver’s point of view, the Camry has got the best spread of the trio – never face a quandary where to plonk your keys, phone and other what-not items with this one. The Accord rolls in a neat second, even with a levered handbrake taking up space. As for the Teana, it could have offered more in the way of cubby-holes (and that door side pocket won’t hold anything significant).

As for dashboard presentation, the Camry again has the broadest appeal of the three; it doesn’t look expensive, but has a refined, plush feel about it that the other two don’t have about them. It’s also the easiest to work around, visually.

The Teana’s dash layout – which follows on that in the Murano – takes some getting used to; nothing wrong with the central console screen’s legibility and visual acuity ease, height-wise, but the rest of the instrumentation is a bit trickier. Angled as they are, the climate control buttons are a bit difficult to view at eye level (well, maybe not if you’re 6ft 4); likewise, the audio buttons. Still, if you own one, this point shouldn’t be a contention after a while.

Meanwhile, the creamy beige shade chosen undoubtedly brightens the Teana’s cabin, and thus lends it more sense of spaciousness, but some elements look like they won’t face hard usage well. Take the steering wheel, for example. The leather wrap on it was already getting a bit skanky, and this on a car with only 6k on the odometer, so you can imagine it after 60k.

So, the honour of having the best cabin goes to the Camry. Indeed, we had trouble picking up faults or items lacking in the Toyota. It really is that well-thought out, save perhaps in one little area. Access to the push-start button, which is hidden away on the left behind the steering wheel, could be better. The Teana’s, sitting right on the edge of the dashboard, is perfectly placed (and it’s a way cooler-looking item). Speaking of push-start and keyless go, the Accord’s ignition key is now looking decidedly tired, and chances are the soon-to-arrive mid-term facelift won’t have it too.

Everyone in this office loves the Teana’s creamy V6 sound and grunt, me included, but I have a thing for the Accord’s K-series engine. Rev loving like only a Honda four-cylinder (or an Alfa Twin Spark) can, the Accord’s 180 PS motor grabs an energy bar when it passes 4,000 rpm and powers on to the red line with gusto. The raw mechanical scream is also unique. While you’re enjoying this, many other four pots are either fading away or begging for mechanical sympathy by vibrating.

It’s easy to deceive these days when it comes to gearboxes, just put in a minimum of six forward ratios (more is better) even if the car doesn’t need it and your product will be hailed as technologically superior. Not sure about you, but if forced to choose one, I’d rather have quality over quantity. The Accord’s five-speed auto is a good example of ‘just right’. It’s so slick that there wasn’t a situation where it was caught off guard, thinking twice or hesitating. So good was the telepathy, the shift paddles were left alone for the most part.

I covered over 400 km of midnight country road driving in the Honda, and it left me with no doubt that it’s the best driver’s car of this group. The biggest car here feels like the smallest to drive. Quick and light steering with decent feel, good body control, grippy chassis and the abovementioned drivetrain combine for an engaging drive. The ride is never too firm or harsh on this 17-inch wheeled 2.4 either, so it’s the best package in my view.

If there’s a complaint, it’s the higher than normal road roar and tyre noise from the Honda, exposed by the comfort-oriented Teana and Camry. The Nissan isn’t just very plush riding, it handled surprisingly well. To be honest, I approached the Teana expecting a super soft, wallowy boat, but it proved me wrong. Yes, the steering wheel needed bigger turns and the tyres don’t major on grip, but the Teana’s composure when driving hard is impressive. The CVT isn’t the best tool for our blast up the hills, but the Nissan was quick, as our diesel-powered Mercedes-Benz photography car can testify.
There is one training manual that is different, however. It is structured enough to guide one through becoming a full magician while also being highly general and useful on its own merits - the awfully titled Liber KKK (that’s Liber Kaos Keraunos Kybernetos, not Klu Klux Klan).

Written by Peter J. Carroll (of Liber Null & Psychonaut fame), a founding father of Chaos Magic, a magician dedicated to the Liber KKK will find that he is creating all of his own rituals - except perhaps the banishing - and integrating within everything he feels comfortable with.

It is ultimately up to them to hammer out their own path.

Carroll gives tasks, and the magician is to attempt them repeatedly until they feel comfortable with their results. I came up with the idea of running through the first part of the guide - there are five, as detailed below - with a few mates, including the delicious Soror Twist, and it grew from there.

The idea is for a group of us to finish the first rung of the course in three months, with myself (and maybe - maybe - Soror Twist) as a guide.

Upon completion, perhaps I will print off some certificates with NOW YOU ARE FINALLY READY TO DEFEAT VOLDEMORT scrawled upon them - perhaps I will not. It will be irrelevant. You will have spent a small portion of your life living as a crazy bastard magician, and the experience will be equal parts weird, exciting, difficult and rewarding.

If you need assistance, or wish to officially join up, please email me at natfrobinson@gmail.com or leave a comment here.

Liber KKK can be found in full at:

http://www.chaosmatrix.org/library/chao ... erkkk.html


The official start is on November 11th.

Yes, this is exam time for many people.

Yes, this is half-way through Nanowrimo - an event I will be participating in.

Yes, this is really soon.

The reasons for this date are a little esoteric. Firstly, it is just after the pagan holiday of Beltane (in the Southern Hemisphere) - a time for new beginnings. Liber KKK, it is advised, should be begun on auspicious or important dates - and that certainly qualifies. Secondly, November is the eleventh month of the year, and we start on the eleventh because eleven, in Western numerology, is the number of magicians and achieving the impossible.

This year, the eleventh of the eleventh is on Wednesday - Woten’s Day - which belongs and is named after the Norse deity Odin, god of magic, poetry, and victory, among other things. We will be beginning in 2009, of course - 2 + 9 is the number 11 once again, and nine is the number before the Earthly Malkuth of Ten: one step above the mundane. Two is the number of dualities, very important in magic.

And so forth.

The course will take three months, and finish roughly on the twelfth of February 2010. This is actually a rather short time allocated for the first rung of KKK – most certainly not enough to cover it all fully. The magician is encouraged to return for a few months after to tie any loose strings, redeem any failures, and to continue exploring the first step.

Two weeks are allocated to each of the five tasks in the first rung, with two weeks left spare for holidays (like, perhaps, Christmas), exams, etc. We will all be doing the tasks at roughly the same time, however - I encourage everyone to keep pace with me.

"The magician creates with his own hands a physical representation of a fetish entity by carving, molding or assembly. Its functions are in general to attract success, to protect by repelling misfortune and to act as a reservoir of power for the magician. It is usually shaped to resemble some kind of actual living being or chimerical being whose form suggests its function. If it is vaguely humanoid in shape it is known as a Homunculus.

It may be made to contain parts of the magician's body or be anointed with blood or sexual fluids. The magician treats the fetish as a living being, speaking his will to it, commanding it to exert its influence in his favor and carrying it on his person when on critical errands. Some magicians
prefer to make two fetishes, one to implement will, the other to bring knowledge and

This is really straightforward. It is very important that you make the thing with your own hands, but the parts themselves don’t need to be crafted by the magician - you could create your fetish out of chicken wire, or blutac, or whatever you can find. You are an artist, here.

Give your spirit a name and a personality. Treat it as if it is actually a very real, very powerful manifestation of the creature. Treat it with respect. When you close your eyes, you should have a strong image of what your spirit looks like outside of the fetish. It is a good idea to anoint it with the fluids, as that creates a highly personal tie between the magician and the spirit.

If you have time, try and create two, but one may very well take up the full two weeks. Perhaps try linking sacred words to the being, or tie it to an existing mythology.

Any questions regarding this task - feel free to comment below, as usual. This applies for all the tasks.

So that’s essentially it. It’s advised, but not necessary, to do something magical every day, even if it just a divination reading or some meditation. You pass if you attempt each of the five tasks and glean some success (and if you’re doing it properly you will) - the only way you can fail is if you don’t throw in your all.

Good luck to everyone, and I wish you all the greatest success.


I considered asking my magical friends to help out - Sr. Twist, Nikki, Anthony, Logobouros, Ian, Fr. Koslov - but it was urgent and personal. I didn't want to bother the others with my own problems, so I decided to go it solo. Desperation and blind need and the mysterious famed Nathaniel Robinson luck would have to suffice.

I spent twenty-five minutes doing zazen. To clear the mind a little, focus my determination. Zazen hurts like hell. I have close to zero flexibility in my legs and the wind is too damn cold, but the pain makes it worthwhile. It helps a little. Oh, how I'd kill for a little ancient Buddhist monk to stand nearby and beat my with a bamboo stick every time I shifted position.

After that was the banishing. Standard fare. Then I sat on my mat and prayed to Legba. I thought my typical crude thoughts: "If we get the house, I'll buy a dog. If we get the house, I'll buy you a bottle of rum. If we get the house, I'll buy you some new cigars. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

The response was ambivalence. After a small while, I shrugged and begun the sorcery.

I had six pins - each colour-coded and ritually named a member of my family - and I declared them once more the relations they were meant to represent. I had earlier printed out a copy of the house we wanted, and stuck the pins in the rough area of where we'd planned for each of us to sleep. I declared the house ours. I called mostly on Legba, but also on Lonansi, Venus, and Jupiter. A few power words. Some sigilry.

I'd also printed out a copy of our current house, and I burnt it, taking the ashes and placing them within a glass vial (bought at a wedding shop - they're used in bombardiers, apparently). I thanked the spirits of the house for keeping us, but I declared their work and our connections to the house ceased. Then I once again begged the spirits of the new house to have us.

I snuck outside, smashing the vial at the nearest crossroads, declaring the ritual to Legba thrice. I banished again.. and the ritual was over. No lengthy qabalistic incantations, no naked dancing, nothing of the sort. Simple, to the point. And that was that. I went to bed.

Two days later, Mum got the call: we'd gotten the house. It seemed a miracle. Sure, there were still dozens of shit things going on in our life, but we'd got the house. Signing the lease, the real estate agent told me how lucky we were. We'd beaten a large handful of applicants, apparently.

"I might have to start believing in that witchcraft crap," said Mum.

So now I'm moving. Everything's packed, in boxes - my magical artifacts and supplies have their own consecrated box, of course. I've bound my protective servitors within two similar glass vials, and I'll be taking them by hand - don't want to break those. The servitors weren't so happy when I informed them that they were to go into storage for a little bit, but I don't want to just leave them lying about the place.

Soon, we'll have a new place, with fresh warding that needs to be doing and all the preliminary cleansing.. but we'll get to that next week, when we make the physical move.

What is the sound of one magician clapping?
Posted: Tuesday, July 28, 2009 by N. F. Robinson in Labels: qabala, zen 1
I stare at the wall, and I am assured the wall is staring back.

This is the third consecutive night, and it's getting hard. Sitting cross-legged has never been comfortable for me, but I can't imagine a better position. The wall is blank and uninviting. The wind is cold - I am doing this outside, crazy bastard monk style - but the stinging seems almost rewarding. Pain is not boring. Pain is never dull.

Soror Twist lent me Hardcore Zen, by Brad Warner, and it filled me with an enthusiasm for most things Buddhist and all things Zen - specifically, zazen, which is the art of sitting still and straight while staring at the wall. I started with ten minutes, but now I'm up to fifteen and it's agony.

Why am I doing this? Two main reasons, besides my long love affair with Buddhist thought, spring to mind.

Because Hardcore Zen is a *CENSORED* brilliant book. Seriously. Go and buy or lend or steal a copy. It's the first book - the first of anything, really - that's convinced me that Zen is a separate art to Buddhism. I guess I should apologize to Frater Lindenmayer for my whole, "Zen is Buddhism you're so full of crap" speech. For the record, you were right.

Because I failed abysmally at the stillness exercises within Liber MMM, and I'm not that great at meditation (and my astral work, as I've come to realize, can only be described as '*CENSORED* all', but we'll get to that). I want to succeed at something that can still the mind through more ascetic means. I need to be able to get that no-thought going so that I can advance in my magical studies, and I think zazen is the way to go.

But it's hard. God, is it hard.

I don't doubt for a second that zazen will help my magical practice, but.. staring at a wall for twenty minutes isn't easy. There's no real sense of reward, either. I finish staring at the wall, and my accomplishment is this: I've just spent twenty minutes staring at the wall. You don't get the rush of doing a daily banishing ritual. As far as I can tell, there isn't even a sense of peace that comes with it, at least not yet.. I feel good for just succeeding. I hope that is enough.

Zazen is the only mystical art I know that seems both highly overrated and highly underrated at the same time. Overrated in the sense that nothing amazing will happen (and, Warner has told me, I shouldn't even expect anything amazing to occur) and underrated in the sense that I'm surprised it hasn't become a core part of Western ceremonial thinking. We've stolen enough from the Asian esoteric arts over the years.. why not zazen?

Zazen seems perfectly suited to Qabala work and magical training in general. The thought of it scares the hell out of me, because I'm both entirely sure what to expect and completely unsure what to expect at the same time. I am, to put it simply, unsure about the whole thing - but I will continue.

This week is zazen week, I think, and hopefully next week will be too.

Beginners Magic: A Guide
Posted: Thursday, June 18, 2009 by N. F. Robinson in Labels: beginner, sigils, twist 0
(Correspondence with the fabulous Miss Twist, whose magical site you can find here, in regards to magic and mysticism and things.)

Magic, then.

New, are you? Don't know Crowley from Carroll? Couldn't tell me the difference between a pentagram and a pentacle, but too afraid to ask? Unsure as to whether or not 'demons' and 'gods' are just simple words for complex psychological processes, or exactly what you think they mean? What's a grimoire?

You just don't know, do you?

Well, guess what. We don't want you here. *CENSORED* off. Go take of football or a community art class or something simple. If you don't already know, we're most certainly not going to tell you, so just give up and piss right off.


That is, in a nutshell, the typical reaction most occult communities have to novice magicians. It is a threatening and elitist environment where the youth of new ideas is shunned, not nurtured. Advanced magicians, you'd think, are much too important for silly things like teaching and giving advice. They had to learn from dusty old books and word of mouth, so why shouldn't everyone else?

This, in reality, is the first initiation. Figure out where to start practicing magic, and how to do it without burning your fingers off. Books can be good, but how many actually teach proper - by my lofty standards, anyway - magic? Not a lot. A handful. There are thousands of '101 White Witch Spells for Fortune, Success and Happiness' out there, but that's not what you need. You don't need one hundred and one spells. You need to learn how to craft your own, how to project them into the world, how to succeed as a magician and an occultist.

Most books, then, are out. But not all of them. A few extremely good ones have been published, and luckily enough these are relatively easy to get a hold of. For general background information on various occult practices, allow me to suggest Richard Cavendish's superb (if limited, it was written before the occult revival of the sixties) The Black Arts. If you're interested in the simple core mechanics of magic, take Peter Carroll's Liber Null and Psychonaut. For an easy introduction into Chaos Magic, you can't beat Phil Hine's Condensed Chaos, though if you want to go for a more ceremonial bent I can't recommend Donald Kraig's Modern Magick highly enough.

That's four books. Pretty easy, right? Not a lot. And you don't have to buy all of them, or any of them, if you don't want. Online, Grant Morrison's great introduction to sorcery, Pop! Magic, can be viewed freely. Phile Hine also has the free Oven-ready Chaos available for download.

(Don't bother trying to study any of Crowley's work. A lot of what he did was good, but more of it was crap, and he wrote in an amazingly obtuse fashion. The only one I can honestly recommend to a novice is Magick Without Tears, which I would recommend reading. You can study Crowley when you master the basics.)

*CENSORED* everyone else. Help is good, yes, and you can't beat a good online community's shared wisdom. The problem is.. most occult communities out there are shit. If you really, really want to have a stab out of it, Liminal Nation
is the only place I'd honestly suggest to go and have a look at. There are others, I suppose, but it's really not worth the strife. That cliche, in the Conan movies and whatnot, that sorcerers are power-mad beings? It's true in a lot of cases. Most magicians will either want to *CENSORED* you or *CENSORED* with you, and neither will do you much good. As your studies advance in magic, you'll find like-minded people to work with.

Paths? Traditions? Styles? Oh, there are plenty. I'm a practitioner of Chaos Magick, which essentially means that I choose to drop and keep as I see fit the traditional trappings of sorcery, adding my own when I need to. Chaos Magick is more of a meta-tradition that places emphasis on exploring and messing around with the other traditions. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. There are others: Thelemic, Crowley's complex and religious-orientated magical system, for one; Pagan, another religious-focused one which really depends on what deity you worship (I don't know enough about this aspect of the craft to comment further, sorry); Enochian, which is scary and complex and batshit crazy with maths and things. There are lots of choices. I deal mostly with Ceremonial stuff - demon-summoning, elemental manipulation, etc. - and it's a little scary but a deeply rewarding path.

Right. Now onto the stuff you should be doing in addition to following the guidelines of those texts. Firstly, it's vital that you master a banishing technique. Most people would suggest you'd try and master the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (LBRP), as it's been the standard for a hundred years, but it's a very complicated one to begin with. It also suffers from the fact that it's heavily Judaic-Christian, and if you're not a Jew or a Christian you probably won't appreciate the imagery as much as you could. I'd suggest the Gnostic Pentagram Ritual (GPR), which uses simple imagery and a generic mantra set. not tied to any faith. I personally use the GPR on a daily basis. The purpose of a banishing is so that you can cleanse yourself, earth yourself, and ward yourself from all the nasty stuff magic attracts.

Pagans and Wiccans have different ways of banishing things, but I'm not entirely sure what exactly those ways are, and so I'm not going to comment on them. Hell, I'm not even sure who to direct you to for advice in this matter, but the one person that springs to mind is the lovely Charlie Twist. She's very knowledgeable and good with beginners, so if you're leaning towards a more pagan-y wiccan-y style, send her a message on her magic blog here.

Okay. Do the banishing as often as you can. You'll start to remember it quickly. Don't worry if you're horrible to begin with - everyone is. After that, you're going to want to pick up a random system of divination. You want it random so that you can learn how to meta-divine - how to divine with anything, spoons or bottle caps or whatever - and I'd suggest picking up the Tarot for this purpose. Go with the Rider-Waite deck, or with anything based in the Golden Dawn system (78 cards, 22 major arcana and 56 minor arcana, coins/cups/wands/swords, most decks are based in the GD system), simply because the symbolism found within these decks becomes more relevant the more you study the occult. You might want to check out the I Ching or the Runes as well.

Divine for your friends and family. Read as many times as you can. You'll start to get a solid feel for your system, and you'll find that you're having some amazing successes. Remember, though: divination isn't fortune-telling. It doesn't really concern itself about the future; it deals with the present, with projected futures and remembered pasts. It will tell you more about yourself and your surroundings then you ever guessed at, but it's difficult to coax a Tarot deck into giving you the numbers for next week's lottery.

Work with divination and banishing for a small while and then give sigils a shot. Sigils are powerful symbols which capture the will and send it flying into the universe. Sigils are many a magician's first 'real' magical work; the first time they truly feel like they're affecting the universe with their will. There is a great guide for making sigils in the Pop! Magic guide above, as well as in Liber Null and Oven-Ready Chaos. There is a good guide here, too. Practice sigils often. You'll be amazed at your results; nothing will prove to you more that magic is real and that it truly works.

Once you've begun to understand divination, sigils and banishing, you should be well on your way to becoming a full-fledged practicing magician. If you picked up any of those books, they'll tell you where to go on from here; the websites, too, will. The only further advice that I will give you is, if you haven't already, take up a creative art; writing is good, and so is painting and drawing. Music, too, if you're composing. Creativity is the true essence of magic; freedom of thought is the vital force behind both.

Keep a magical diary. Many magicians will stress the importance of this. Record when and what you do, magically; record your moods and your readings; record your feelings of deja vu and synchronicity; record your dreams and desires. Draw sigils. Write in it daily.

Don't be scared to play around with magic. A general rule of thumb: when you're good enough to seriously endanger yourself using magic, you'll be good enough to stop it. You will, however, almost undoubtedly unclog all of the psychic shit that's been hiding in your brain, and you'll suffer more astral grazes than you'd care to admit. Don't worry about it. It's all part of the fun. It's like anything; people get hurt skateboarding all the time, right?

Practice magic as often as you can.

Good luck. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to send me an email at natfrobinson@gmail.com.

- Nathaniel Robinson / Frater Victatio

Posted: Sunday, June 14, 2009 by N. F. Robinson in Labels: off-topic 1
For those of you interested, I have a new blog for creative writing and stuff. It can be found here and is more like an online notepad than anything, but give it a look if you're curious.

This blog will not slow down (anymore than it already has) or die; The Pen and Paper is only there so I can have a place to dump my writing, which I write regardless anyway.

The Twist: Custom Divinatory Decks
Posted: Monday, June 8, 2009 by N. F. Robinson in Labels: divination, tarot, twist 2
(Another correspondence post with the literally enchanting Miss Twist.You might read her stuff here
, if you had any sense: it's like internet gold!)

The pack resembles, very loosely, the conventional Tarot pack; the cards are the same size, the card stock is just as sturdy, the images just as esoteric. The backs of the cars are blank black. This is the strange beast known as the NATHANIEL FRANCIS ROBINSON WONDER PACK, designed to bring out the bizarre diviner within.

There are three sets of arcana in the deck: the Sorcerer's Arcana, which consists of ten cards, the Rigid Arcana, which consists of twenty-three, and the Flowing Arcana, which consists of thirty-four. Together there are sixty-four cards. The deck is tied to the sixty-four hexagrams of the I-Ching, but not in a way that you'd expect.

Draw the cards yourselves, using your own wacked symbolism, or work with a partner. Creation is the greatest form of divination.


The first ten cards - the Sorcerer's Arcana - depict ten archetypal magicians of the Universe keyed in with famed sorcerers and the ten mystical sephiroth of the Qabalistic Tree of Life. These ten cards might be seen to represent a magician's career, or individual aspects of a person's life, or anything at all. Two Sorcerer's Arcana mean a crossroads; three mean that the deck wasn't shuffled properly.

The Teana is very pleasant in city driving. Nissan’s Xtronic CVT is very responsive and is a far cry from the early CVTs introduced to Malaysians. Common booby traps such as pot holes, scarred surfaces and highway expansion joints are damped nicely, a skill that’s not as common in this class as you think.

The Camry’s roadholding was the opposite of impressive. It rained the whole weekend, and the Toyota was all over the place the few sectors I drove it. Fast sweepers on the Karak highway revealed the Camry’s low limits. It wasn’t helped by the glassy feel of the steering, which gives you very little idea of how much the tyres have in reserve. It ends up as the least confidence-inspiring car to drive here.

The Nissan Teana is the clear winner here, which is no surprise given that the V6 engine has the largest cubic capacity of all the three cars. It makes 182 PS at 6,000 rpm and 228 Nm of torque at 4,400 rpm, which on paper doesn’t stray far from the Accord’s 180 PS at 6,500 rpm and 222 Nm of torque at 4,300 rpm, or the Camry’s 167 PS and 224 Nm at 4,000 rpm.

CVT transmission puts the V6 in just the right powerband all the time and the Teana pulls away significantly strongly than the Accord or the Camry, while keeping its revs around the 3,000 to 4,000 rpm range. The V6 sounds silky smooth and most people would probably never want to go back to a four-cylinder after driving a car with one. A four-pot somehow feels a little downmarket when you compare it a V6.

Toyota’s 2.4 litre engine doesn’t make much power, but the driveability is quite good for the kind of driving it does as there’s a good amount of torque in the mid-range. It kinda runs out of steam in the higher RPMs although it remains refined. The Accord’s 2.4 litre engine makes a lot of power on paper but curiously it’s a little lazy in the low revs – you really need to pile on the revs for it to pull strongly. The engine in the Accord also sounds louder.

The Toyota Camry’s suspension is completely comfort biased. You can actually just run over bumps like you were driving an SUV and the Camry seems to smoothen out all the bumps and knocks that our Malaysian roads can give it. It also felt the most quiet, although the Teana was very close behind. The Accord on the other hand, had a noticably higher sound level. However, the Accord performed the best during a hill run between the three cars, with the Camry driver having to push the car to about 90% of its capabilities just to keep up.

To be honest, the Camry is completely unsuited to any kind of spirited driving. It’s suspension is very comfort biased and at times a little unsettlingly so, as you can feel the effects of crosswinds much more in a Camry than the Teana or the Accord. But I prefer the Camry’s steering weight to the Accord’s – the Accord had the lightest steering although it had plenty of feel in it, while the Camry’s steering is pretty isolated. Light steerings make a car feel a little nervous and you have to take care to make sure you hold the steering properly at higher speeds, as it just feels too loose.

The Teana’s steering was kind of like the Goldilocks porridge of D-segment steering – it’s got just the right kind of weighting and some good feel as well. The ratio could have been a little quicker though – it felt like you had to turn the steering a little more than usual to change direction. The Teana rolls in for a corner at a nice pitch, and although it doesn’t corner flatly it remains quite steady through the turn, while the Camry is quite floaty. The Teana is a little firmer, although still comfortable. The Accord of course leaves the two cars in the dust when it came to the hill run[/spoiler]
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