Kahwin Campur

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Kahwin Campur

Postby Atukoi85 » Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:36 am

Sy mo share sama kawan2 dan buss semua tentang cerita ini yang sy baca di blog. Apa pendapat kamu semua tentang kisah si Clarice Gilbert ni?

"Mr Lucius,

Saya ni pembaca hantu blog Lucius semenjak tahun lepas lagi. Memang selama ini tidak pernah bagi komen langsung, baca saja. Tapi kali ni saya terasa mo komen kerana pos Lucius sangat bersangkut-paut dengan diri saya.

Sebelum saya proceed, mo kasi warning awal-awal yang komen saya ni agak panjang juga. Harap Lucius paham. Dan satu lagi maybe I will mix between malay and English through out the writing. I hope its okay.

Well the most interesting part for me bout your post is the one on mix marriage between semenanjung and Sabahan. Sebab isu ini sangkut-paut dengan saya, I have been thru it and I just wanna share it here with you and the readers.

I am a Murut woman, married to a Malay guy from Melaka for 2 years before we finally agreed to go separate ways (bercerai talak satu) early last year. Yes I was a Christian before marrying him. For the sake of marriage I converted to Islam. Now selepas kena cerai talak satu, saya sendiri pun tidak tahu if I am still a Muslim atau tukar balik jadi Christian.

Tough thing kan?

We got to know each other during my study years in semenanjung, at Universiti Malaya. He is already a career guy during that time, 27 years old and I was 24. We dated for 3 years before he finally decided to propose me.

Mula tu memang susah. Macam Lucius cakap dalam pos, we have the differences. The race and religion of course jadi isu yang paling besar. I was reluctant to convert, I grow up as Christian so what do you expect? And marrying him bermakna I am breaking the family tradition. None in our family has ever married a Malay Muslim before.

But he assure me that everything gonna be okay. Of course la he wont be expecting me to tiba-tiba pakai tudung and shits. I mean despite him being a Muslim as you know, he still drinks, gamble (beli nombor) and yes we slept together before getting married.

No issue kan, those kinda things are normal.

So walaupun saya reluctant mulanya, I finally agreed to marry him. I trust he will be reasonable with me, tak terlalu demanding on the religion part and flexible on me being a Sabahan Murut, my lifestyle and my family yang Christian.

The family on both sides, well they are not very enthusiastic with it. His family kinda berat hati and my family pun sama. But again we believe its not going to be a problem, as long as we both love each other the family issue shouldn’t be the batu penghalang.

So I did the conversion thing, belajar about Islam sikit and yes even went thru a painful process to get rid of my butterfly tattoo, becoz he said kubur tak terima my body nanti when I pass away?! And before I can really pronounce the syahadah perfectly, we are married.

As we both working in KL the city become our home base. Things seem pretty cool, he is still the liberal guy I know doing things which I have learnt are sinful and haram to Muslim. I was not being told to wear tudung, sembahyang pun tak kena paksa. But of course la I stayed away from church, I no longer wear my cross necklace because as he said I am a Muslim and no longer a Christian.

Psst, but tell you I still don’t have faith in Islam. Another story.

But I guess this is the thing about the Malay. They can be so open and liberal but yet so close minded on other religion. Macam yang Lucius pernah cakap, Malay can drink, have sex and gamble but then when they see the cross of Christ or heard anything about church they start to become orang alim dan ustaz.

Right?

So he still drinks. But when it comes to Christmas and I begging him to take time off so we both can go back to Sabah and celebrate it with my family, he start giving excuses. And one of it was we are Muslim so there’s no need to celebrate Christmas!

Tapi niat saya balik is just to spend time with family, becoz Christmas is our annual family gathering just like balik kampung for hari raya. I don’t need to go to church or whatever. It’s fine with me.

But not ok to him?!

And even when one of my cousin getting married, and of course la as Christian she getting married at the church, he still refuse to come back to sabah and attend the wedding. I was damn pissed, question is murtad ke kalau masuk church?

His excuse was it’s a Christian punya worship house so Muslim takleh masuk. And plus the wedding ceremony involve some religious ritual which the muslim cant take part.

His *CENSORED*. I wonder lak drinking beer and gambling tu bukan haram ke dan lagi berdosa? And yet he still does that.

One year into the marriage, I started to feel unhappy with him. I sense he is trying to keep me away from my family. Yet also at the same time I found myself not being accepted by his family. Balik raya, I felt alienated by his huge family of 7 siblings, yang semuanya semenanjung people. Just because I am a non-malay and used to be a Christian.

Bullshit lah!

And I know his mother never approved of our marriage. I happened to discover this myself when she talk to one of his sister yang she have to let him marry me becoz her son dah kemaruk sangat, maybe becoz dah kena sihir with me.

Another bullshit!

But believe me the worst is yet to come. I got pregnant and when I thought this will at least make things better for me and him and his family, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise!

I give birth to a baby boy. And biasalah after labor while still dalam pantang, I prefer to went back to sabah with the baby and stay with my parents. I prefer my mum to look after me and the baby but what I got was a big no-no.

The reason because his family want him to send me to them. Because kalau saya balik sabah the baby gonna grow up in a Christian environment and kena baptized di church dan jadi murtad!

It all went downhill from there. I cant take this anymore, all this effort to pisahkan myself from my family, his paranoia to my family and such. I feel he never try to understand my family and our culture. I think he is behaving like a hypocrite becoz perasan macam dia alim sangat tapi still buat benda yang haram.

All this because him being a malay muslim dari semenanjung, yang memang anti dan takut sangat dengan Christian.

So why bother to marry me at 1st place if he cant take this differences?

It is all the same kan? He met me and thinks he is so cool dating a non-malay and non-muslim. So liberal and open minded in the beginning tapi once they start the family, tiba-tiba rasa insaf and try to be true muslim.

Tapi true on the part yang menguntungkan dia saja la.

We got ourselves into a lot of argument. I demand more rights for myself, right to be with my family, right to be respected by him and right to be fully understood on my culture. He never give a damn bout all that.

What happens next? His family interfere and his mother start telling him it’s a mistake to marry me. And me being a converted muslim apa semua, kononnya tak berakhlak and terbawa-bawa perangai jahat myself when I was a Christian before.

Like his CENSORED son tu baik sangat.

I had enough. I cant live with him, I cant let him take me away from my beloved family. Saya tak boleh hidup dengan orang yang tak boleh memahami dan menghormati saya, budaya saya dan cara hidup saya.

We went through a lengthy divorce process. Of course la kan the Islamic way. Naik turun mahkamah syariah and yes I tell u, all the time it was like I am the one, the culprit, the perempuan rosak who fail to be a true muslim.

Because I asked for the divorce.

And the law side with him. Even the hak penjagaan of my son was given to him. Because if my baby stay with me he is going to grow up in that Christian environment and jadi murtad like what they are so afraid of.

Apa yang saya dapat? Nothing.

I wasted 2 years of my life with him, 5 if you plus the dating years. I got scar at my back resulting from the painful tattoo removal process. I forgo the dream of every young Christian girl to walk down the aisle of the church with her dad because I chose to marry a muslim guy.

All that for him. And you know what he said to me after we finalize the cerai? He thinks he needs to be with a Malay muslim woman because he need such woman to take care and raise the family in a proper Malay muslim way. Because he is not so good in Islam so he needed someone with good knowledge on the religion to help guide him.

All this while, masa he so eager to ask me to marry him, tak pernah pun occur this entire thing. Why only after we got married?

Perhaps he changed. Maybe as he grow old and having responsibility baru sedar nak jadi alim, nak jadi true muslim nak jadi true Malay.

I don’t mind that. Yes I was willing to learn bout Islam, yes I was willing to listen to him just for the sake of the marriage and our little boy. The only thing that I asked him to tolerate is to accept my family, the differences they have. The only thing I need from him is to take me as I am. Yes I am not a Malay, I am a converted so live with my lacking that’s all.

But I guess not.

So Lucius that’s my story. I just wanna share it with you because I can see you are different. I don’t know if you are open and liberal now but mellow down once you start your family. We never know.

But knowing you through your blog, I guess maybe you are indeed different. You seems to be open to Christianity and other religion, you are more tolerant and hell you are even critical of your own religion (you muslim kan?).

Yes it didn’t work out between me and him because there was lack of tolerance, lack of understanding and willingness to accept each other differences. Like what you said. I agreed with what you wrote. Any semenanjung people who wish to marry sabahan, especially the non-muslim sabahan need to be able to tolerate, understand and willing.

I’d be lying if I tell you I have no regret with the decision I made. Because of what happen I quit my job, come back here to sabah to live with my family. I need them, their support. And yes the environment here, the openness here makes me feel better and able to assimilate (pinjam kata Lucius) as I have been before.

It’s painful of course. Kalau saya mahu jumpa anak saya, I have to go there to semenanjung. I can’t take him back here even for a week or two because ‘the lack of Islamic environment in the family’, as what the syariah court decides.

Him? He is happy now married to a Malay woman yang semestinya true Islam. Just like what he need I guessed.

I guess that’s all. Panjang saya membebel. I have to create a different blogger ID, privatize it because kalau anonymous I don’t think you would entertain me (not that I need attention). But privatize because I know there will be assholes like him who will going to attack me personally.

Sorry I took kinda long commenting. But I just want to share what I have experienced on this mix marriage thing.

Maybe this can be a story to share with others. I know there are many other sabahan out there who married semenanjung people, especially those who have to convert and such. And maybe to those sabahan (girls especially) who are non-muslim and planning to marry their muslim boyfriend, at least my story can give you all something to prepare for or work out with your boyfriend before procceding with the marriage.

You don’t have to reply this Mr Lucius but yes I do hope if you can say something on this. You always have a different view on thing and I would love to know what you think.

Thanks for the time. Saya rasa macam menulis untuk cik sri siantan."

Jadi apa pendapat kamu semua? Kisah ini sy ambil di ruangan komen di blog ini:
http://tronohtranquility.blogspot.com/2009/06/antara-bambangan-dan-wang-berian.html
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Ace » Mon Jun 15, 2009 2:41 pm

teruk jua ex husband dia tu?
org sua convert n sdia mau trima ajaran agama dorg napa mau pertikai g?
sandi eh.. x toleransi betul
nothing is impossible is nothing to me
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Atukoi85 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:26 pm

Bah, ko tinguk apa reply si punlis blog tu. Bagus bah, susah mo jumpa melayu semenanjung macam si penulis blog ni, betul-betul dia fikiran terbuka

Ms Clarice,

Pertama sekali, terima kasih kerana berkongsi secara panjang lebar pengalaman anda. Saya merasa terharu dan bersimpati dengan apa yang anda telah lalui. Harapan saya hidup anda kini lebih baik dan bahagia bersama keluarga anda.

As you mix your writing with English, I shall do the same too. Yes sometimes it is much easier to deliver the message across in English.

Before I go further, in no other way that I am next to Cik Sri Siantan, the famous love guru who can solve any of your love or marriage problems. Having said that I can’t provide the solution to what have happened. But I will try to share with everyone reading this blog of my take on mix-marriage or interfaith marriage, especially the one involving a Christian like you and a Muslim like your ex-husband.

So here we go.

Kata orang cinta itu buta. More so when two individual with different background, culture and faith met each other and fall in love.

You mentioned you converted for the sake of marriage. Honestly I have nothing against that. Undang-undang negara kita mengkehendaki bukan Islam untuk memeluk Islam sebelum mengahwini pasangan Muslim mereka. Dan saya tahu ada segelintir yang melakukan ini sekadar untuk memenuhi syarat.

There should be no issue on that, so long as both sides mutually agreed to respect each others’ beliefs. But the question will be either you conversion is clear to him just for the sake of marriage, or you conversion to him lebih dari sekadar untuk berkahwin.

Kalau bekas suami mahukan anda untuk benar-benar menjadi Muslim, maka saya akan katakan tanggungjawab mengajar dan membimbing anda terletak di bahu beliau. But in the story you share with me I failed to see him doing that. He leaves you free on your own and he himself was not being a true practicing Muslim.

So I would assume both of you understood it well that the conversion is for the sake of marriage. He will be the liberal and open Muslim like you said and you are the Christian at heart though not obviously practicing it.

Liberal and open Muslim. Ingin saya tekankan di sini konsep liberal dalam konteks Melayu kadangkala agak kabur. Boleh minum, boleh berjudi dan boleh mengamalkan seks luar perkahwinan, tapi belum tentu sanggup makan babi kerana ianya haram atau menyentuh anjing kerana ianya najis.

I know, because I have tons of Malay friends who are like that. The kind of friend who question my action of rescuing a dog out of monsoon drain because the poor animal is najis. This same person is the one who drinks and frequent the massage parlor for sex.

Why on earth is the Malay Muslim thinking in such a way? Because Islam is entrenched in them like culture, not faith. Kami semua adalah born Muslim, membesar dalam Islam dan majoriti berharap akan mati sebagai Muslim.

That will explain why Melayu yang minum atau *CENSORED* around still have problem going into a church or seeing the cross symbol. Its just like babi dan anjing, very un-Melayu to them, it go against the Malay culture itself. And part of the Malay culture is Islam. You know how it is, not all Muslims are Malay, but all Malays are expected to be Muslim.

And I blame this on their own lack of knowledge. Sebenarnya tidak berdosa masuk gereja, tidak berdosa juga melihat lambang salib. Tidak berdosa jika mahu baca Injil, dan tidak berdosa jika mahu berkumpul bersama keluarga mentua di hari Krismas. Islam tidak menghalang semua perkara tersebut.

Tetapi berdosa untuk bekas suami anda jika dia tahu anda kekal mempercayai Kristian tetapi tidak berbuat apa-apa. Either his judgement has been clouded or he just being bloody stupid.

Or he might be liberal enough to believe in interfaith marriage. But as what we read from your story, he is obviously not.

You are right. He should have not stop you celebrating Christmas or going to church wedding thinking those are sinful yet he still drink and gamble, obvious no-no in Islam.

In my opinion I think your ex-husband wasn’t able to tolerate the differences between you and him. And so he chose to alienate you from your family, perhaps because of the fact he can’t handle your family being Christian. And same goes to his family, who are unable to accept just because you are non-Malay and non-Muslim.

I am sorry that it all went downhill for you after you gave birth to your son. It sure was hard and painful to you.

You mentioned he suddenly decided to be alim sedikit and expecting you to do the same. And you did mention you are willing to do that for the sake of the marriage and your little boy. I don’t know whether he did try to guide you or let you find your way in Islam alone. Again I would say if he wants you to be a practicing Muslim and you are willing, then it is his duty to help you on that.

My opinion on his change of attitude after the birth of the little boy? He went through the self realization phase like what happened to most Malay Muslim.

I did mention to you earlier, Malays are born Muslim, raised within Islam and expect themselves to die as a Muslim. Maybe the time come to him when he suddenly realized he can’t do this interfaith marriage anymore, because it goes against Islam.

It is exactly like drinking beer, having sex around or gambling. Sampai masa orang-orang ini merasa terpanggil untuk bertaubat, lebih lagi bila rumah kata pergi dan kubur kata mari. Sure he doesn’t want to go to hell, so it’s time for him to repent I guess.

Which also explain why out of sudden he thinks a Malay wife will be much better to help him raise the little boy in a proper Malay Muslim environment?

Yes, marriage is not a few years affair. Today’s promise may turn into tomorrow’s curse. In the beginning he was so driven by the romantic idealism of interfaith marriage, at later days he came to realize such thing will drag him to hell.

People change. More so for an individual like him. The so called liberal mind and openness was nothing more than just young age fling and naughtiness. The willingness to have an interfaith marriage with you was nothing more than sheer act of desperation to be with you.

I agree with you. Malays from Semenanjung who wish to marry Sabahan who are non-Muslim should be more tolerant, understanding and willing to compromise.

Even marriage between Semenanjung and Sabahan Muslim sometime fail to work, just because of the cultural gulf.

You mentioned about me being open to Christianity, more tolerant and even critical of my own religion. So what will be my take on interfaith marriage?

Setahun zaman tadika saya berlaku di dalam Gereja Lutheran. Dua tahun zaman persekolahan di sebuah sekolah Methodist yang dipelopori mubaligh Kristian. Saya membesar dalam keadaan di kelilingi masyarakat Cina, menggemari Chee Cheong Fun dan kerap makan di restoran Cina yang diragui status halalnya. Saya juga pernah bersekolah tiga tahun di sekolah agama dan sentiasa bersikap kritis dan tidak menerima bulat-bulat apa yang disogok dalam Pendidikan Islam.

Saya baca Quran dan juga Injil.

The end result is I grow up being different.

So to me interfaith marriage shouldn’t be a problem. Yes I may sound unrealistic and impossible but I personally don’t see any problem with it.

What any couple (Muslim and Christian) need for interfaith marriage to work is the belief in their own self that it can be done. They need to have full confidence in the interfaith marriage; completely sure that what they are doing is right. Of course it is important as well to outline how the union will be like and how the family will be raise.

What if I (yes I am a Muslim) am to marry someone outside my religion?

She will have the right to practice her religion. She may go for Sunday’s mass, celebrate Christmas with the family and do what many good Christians do. As much as I respect her rights to practice her religion she shall also be respectful of mine.

What will the religion of the kids going to be?

I believe marriage an equal partnership of two individuals. Both I and my partner shall raise the kids with equal Islamic and Christian teaching. It will be our duty to explain them on the interfaith marriage. When they reach the legal age for them to decide on their own faith, they shall do so with none of us going to force the kids to choose one above another.

But someone out there going to say, oh Lucius you will grow old one day and realize you can’t do this anymore. You will be afraid of the prospect of life in the hereafter, knowing you have sinned and will be thrown to hell.

I do what I believe. Maybe I will go to hell. That will be unfortunate for me but I live my life doing what I believe. At least I go to hell with my Christian wife.

To me personally, I think interfaith marriage is right. And I am entitled to my own opinion.

Yes I can hear someone shouting murtad and infidel back there. Thank you!

Now that I have talked bout idealism and what we believe in, let’s see how interfaith marriage can really work here in Islamic country like Malaysia, for the benefit of other readers especially the non-Muslim who wish to convert.

Mind you, the legal implication can be torturous.

Sesiapa yang menukar agamanya kepada Islam hendaklah sedar bahawa mereka tidak boleh kembali ke agama asal. Setiap proses pertukaran ke agama Islam melibatkan pendaftaran individu tersebut sebagai Muslim di Jabatan Agama Negeri dan di Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara. Malah Mykad anda juga akan menyatakan dengan jelas Islam sebagai agama anutan.

Implikasi dari rekod di Mykad anda dan juga pendaftaran anda sebagai Muslim meletakkan anda di dalam situasi di mana kembali mengamalkan ajaran agama asal adalah hampir mustahil. Anda boleh didakwa jika berdoa di gereja atau memakai lambang keagamaan yang ditegah oleh penguatkuasa agama Islam.

In the event that you divorce with your Muslim partner, you are not allowed to seek marriage with non-Muslim. Even the right of custody on the children will not be yours if you attempted to convert out of Islam, or found to be drifting away from Islamic teaching after the divorce.

Your non-Muslim relatives will lose their rights on property or money left by you upon your death. And your body will be buried at the Muslim cemetery in accordance with Islamic rites even if you haven’t been practicing Islam for years.

I know it sucks. I don’t agree to it myself. But as you said, I can be critical of my own religion.

On the other hand it is not so much of a hassle for the Muslim who wishes to marry their non-Muslim partner. In fact the law and policy seems to favor such thing. The kids of mix marriage between a Malay and non-Malay will be automatically registered as Malays. They are also expected to grow up being a Muslim and enrolled into Islamic classes at school.

As with any, the marriage between a Muslim and the converted partner is registered with the religious department of the state. Thus creating the nature that any domestic dispute or disagreement will be referred to the Shariah Court under Islamic marital laws.

Dalam kebanyakan kes, ia meletakkan pihak bukan Islam dalam serba kekurangan jika berlaku kes perceraian, tuntutan harta atau jagaan ke atas anak.

Seperti apa yang dilakukan oleh bekas suami anda.

Semua ini menjadikan idea perkahwinan antara agama sesuatu yang hampir mustahil untuk dilakukan.

Benar. Kecuali kedua-dua pihak mempunyai keyakinan dan jujur dalam matlamat mereka untuk hidup bersama biarpun berlainan pegangan.

For the non-Muslim, you must have full confidence in your Muslim partner that he or she is honest and believe in the concept of interfaith marriage. For the Muslim, you must be sure living in union with a non-Muslim is truly what you want not for 5 or 10 years to come, but for the rest of your life, and you are willing to take the risk and believe what you do is right from your religious point of view.

Seperkara lagi, perkahwinan bukan janji sebulan atau setahun dua. Ia adalah ikatan yang sebaiknya untuk seumur hidup. Janji kamu hari ini mungkin menjadi sumpahan hari esok. Jadi bagi mereka yang biarpun ada sekelumit rasa tidak yakin pada perkahwinan antara agama, lebih baik jangan.

Jangan hanya kata ya atau boleh kerana desakan mahu kahwin, tetapi selepas berkahwin nanti baru tersedar kita tidak berupaya untuk hidup bersama dengan kepercayaan yang berbeza.

To simplify it, interfaith marriage is only for those who believe that no matter what sort of religion you practice or what sort of God’s name you worship, the most fundamental idea is that you believe in God. And that’s good enough.

“This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honour, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.”
Al – Maidah 5:5

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”
1 Corinthians 7:14

Saya ambil dua ayat di atas, dari Quran dan juga Injil. Dua ayat yang menjadi dukungan kepada mereka yang percaya kepada perkahwinan antara agama. Tapi ingat saya bukan pakar agama. Membesar dalam Islam tapi bukan pengamal yang baik. Tahu tentang Kristian tetapi bukanlah penganutnya.

Pokok pangkalnya setiap agama menyeru kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. Cara mungkin berbeza tapi intipatinya tetap sama.

Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed.

Harapan saya untuk anda, Ms Clarice, ialah kebahagiaan dan keredhaan Tuhan di hari mendatang.


http://tronohtranquility.blogspot.com/2009/06/menjawab-clarice-gilbert.html
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby matahari_ku » Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:21 pm

kasian his wife but hati manusia mana kita tau... sentiasa berubah mengikut citarasa durang sndri...
Ku terasa terlalu lama berarak mengintai bumi, merah rona di kala senja ditepis berangkaian memantul awan.. "mereka" dipanah kesilauan meski dipelukan malam..
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby mfrahim » Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:43 pm

Masalahnya itu lalaki mimang teruk, belum kahwin sudah buat bukan-bukan sama itu perempuan. Nama sja dia Islam tapi inda tau apa itu Islam. Kalau masuk Islam kalau ada Tatto inda payah kasi buang bah, sabab apa yang dia lakukan sabulum Islam itu inda dikira dosanya. Mama sayapun born Katolik tapi bila masuk Islam sia sekeluarga akan meraikan sama-sama sya punya uncle-auntie yang kristian dan sebaliknya bila hari raya. Indada masalah. Inda taulah lalaki tu mungkin berasal dari hujung kampung dan keluarganya mungkin beranggap dia paling hibat (lebih hibat dari wong fei hong mangkali).

Salabihnya yg sya mau komen tu sudah dibuat oleh si penulis blog.
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Manjaku » Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:54 am


Salam berkenalan,

Allow me to write in dual language like Clarice... lol
Sia tersentuh baca surat Clarice yg panjang lebar dan jawaban anda...
I had faced similar case also gone through mental and emotional abused in an unhealthy marriage.

Nenek moyang sia asal dari Sumatera Indonesia, sia lahir di semenanjung tapi bila sia umur 1 thn orang tua sia pindah dan kami tinggal di KK Sabah lebih 30 thn.. sia consider kami urang Sabah la... di KK nda da yg tanya soal asal usul atau beza agama, nama asal sia pun bunyi barat / christian bukan nama islam... those were the days where our fathers liked the dutch and british influences in giving names to their child...lol.. kami pun tinggal dalam komuniti cina... even I look like one of them..

sia pun pergi sekolah convent 12 tahun... only to learn agama at 13 from my maid... (she was an uztazah) and really learn class agama later in ITM Shah Alam when I was 19... there was no big issues... I still am turn out to be moderate muslim, my family are modern nda kuno ba... I had an uncle who married dutch woman who is a christian and their children lives in Islam values... there were no imposed or forced in the family household... even my one of my brother is a convert catholic... married to a Japanese American woman..they are now in Germany. Simply because peraturan di sini terlalu ketat... for those who is murtad.. But we never despise them... To me all religions comes from one source ..like how you decribed its the way of worshipping is different.

Sekarang kami pindah tinggal di semenanjung..and have to be blended in the norm.. as living in semenanjung is more challenged than in KK...took me 1 year to change my way of speaking from Sabahan to semenanjung slang.... when I was in ITM, many of my local friends and lecturers laugh at how I speak ... and calling my names like urang pulau...borneo ..kenapa gitu? hina ka kami yg datang dr Sabah? Sia nda lawan but kept it because sia lebih tau dari mereka siapa diri sia. sorry dah tersasul la cerita sia...

The point I am sharing this is finally I was married to semenanjung man... although we are both born muslims we also faced with many differences in upbringing and cultural values...itu pun jadi masalah BESAR!

Simply put mix marriage is not only between different religion or culture but with somewhat similar.. common most malays originated from indonesia anyway... so we are much likely alike in many ways... but not in the heart of my EX who despise my roots and family to the bits...

To cut my boring and lengthy story short... I am a survived emotionally and mentally abused woman from a marriage of 8 years, which we ended in amicable divorced in December 2008. I am now a single working mom, I have 7 years old daughter; who is under my custody. The process of the divorce was simple and brief I made a point that the divorce applicant has to come from my EX... simply I know that I do not want to go throught big fight in the court.. because of his temperamental and unpredictable behaviour which may caused a lot of pain and embarrassment. I just want to save face.

After the divorce I thought it was over with him but noooo.. he still harass me mentally sending me long text and sms saying me all fowl words... cursing me left and right over his rights to visit his kid... so i went to file for custody after 3 times going through the court finally after being threatened by him i had to comply with his minor demands over visitation days. Maybe I was not strong enough to shut this man away from my life... I let him bully me to the pieces... even so he still keeps my daughter's birthcert and passport simply refused of loosing her to me... although the judge in the syariah higher court has instructed him to pass all documents to me... he still refused...

So you see Clarice bukan ko sorang yg ada masalah mcm tu... ada urang lain lebih teruk lagi... sia harap ko ok sekarang kan.. jan susah hati.. sia pun ada lagi sorang abang yg pernah kawin dgn pompuan penampang christian masuk islam mcm you... tapi tak tahan juga merek ada 2 orang anak boys.. di beri kepada emak sia jaga... akhirnya yg bekas isteri abang sia pulang ke rumah family dia di KK.. tidak pernah tenguk anak dia.. Tapi bila dah dewasa merek acari sendiri emak asli mereka tau... sebab ibu sia tidak pernah putuskan hubungan cucu dia dgn ibu kandung mereka... we all accept our differences and respect others.. jodoh tak panjang tapi anak2 tetap anak mereka berdua... walaupun nenek yg jaga dari baby..

Bagi family EX you Clarice yg dari semenanjung memang sia faham sebab sia pun ada bekas mak mertua tapi mereka semua baik2, cuma sia tak tahan dgn anak mereka..terlau pentingkan diri sendiri...

Sekarang sia sudah ada pengganti seorang lelaki berhati emas lebih penyayang dan penyabar dia asal dari Eropah (nah macam mana nak buat dgn my EX?) adakah dia akan lepaskan anak tunggal dia pergi dgn sia tinggal dgn bapa tiri.. walaupun sia ada hak jagaan dari perintah mahkamah.. klu ada yg arif tolong bagi pandangan apa yg patut sia lakukan sedangkan pasport dan birthcert anak my EX pegang memang macam dia takut sia bawa lari anak dia.. ba... eee erimas sia dibuat nya...

Apa2 pun biarpun kita berbeda agama, yg pasti hak wanita mesti diutamakan...samada dalam mahkamah sivil atau syariah masing masing mesti menjaga hak hak asasi wanita!..Sia paling benci klu ada urang yg merendahkan dan menghina kami kaum wanita lebih lebih lagi kami janda yang ada anak kecil....biar la tuhan yg bagi balasan dan hukuman setimpal dengan perbuatan mereka terhadap kami - janda janda muda dari Sabah...

ok la penat baca ya.. sorry la.. klu sempat bagi balasan atau nasihat sia ucapkan ribuan terima kasih k..
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby sengerib » Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:52 pm

:hmmm: semua orang kawin campur bah..
lelaki campur perempuan :lol2:

joke ja bah..
actually sia kawin campur..sama cina..ok juga bah..
yang penting tolak ansur...sekali sekala ada tersasul tapi biasak la kan..manusia biasa la katakan..

sia belajar sakap cina..dia belajar dusun..kira ok la tu...
tidak la janggal bila balik rumah ..sakap cina ka..sakap dusun ka...paham juga la walaupun sikit2..
kira ok la tue.. :slaugh:
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby encik kacang » Wed Oct 07, 2009 7:03 pm

Soalan
:apakah kebaikan dan keburukan perkahwinan campur dalam Islam?saya musykil adakah terdapat keburukan perkahwinan campur dalam Islam
.
Jawapan
: Manusia diciptakan Allah S.W.T. dalam berbagai-bagai bangsa dan puak untuk manusia itu saling bekenal-kenalan di antara satu sama lain. Oleh itu ada baik dan buruknya apabila kita berkahwin dengan bangsa asing ini.
Semua manusia sama sahaja, cuma sikap dan penghayatan terhadap ajaran agama Islam itulah yang menyebabkan kita dapat hidup dengan aman dan bahagia.Di antara kebaikan kahwin campur ini ialah kita dapat mengeratkan hubungan silaturrahim dengan kelurga lain berbangsa asing , kaum kelurga dan kerabat kita semakin besar, kita dapat menguasai bahasanya, mempelajari budayanya, kita dapat berdakwah kepada kelurganya agar dapat menerima Islam srebagai cara hidup yang paling baik sekali dan kalau kita dapat anak, anak tersebut mewarisi gens kedua-dua bangsa(rupanya cantik).Keburukannya ialah apabila berlaku perceraian ia akan kembali murtad dan anak akan menjadi mangsa perebutan di anatar ibu dan ayahnya.Dibimbangi anak tersebut akan mengikut agama ibu yang kembali kepada agama asalnya.
Ini akan merugikan Islam, kerana kita tidak dapat mengekalkannya sebagai seorang Islam hingga ke akhir hayat..

itu kata ustaz2

tapi bagi saya
saya tidak menggalakkan kahwin campur..
sebab kahwin campurn ini bagi orang yg jujur dan butul2 baik boleh la.. tapi jika dua2 macam orang ndak beragama bagus(selalu buat maksiat) ndak payah kahwin campur :hmmm:

sebab lain..
1) ketulenan darah anak (keturunan) menjadi tidak asli (maksudnya kaum itu makin pupus)
2) zaman sudah berubah..ada bangsa (kaum) yg rajin ada kaum yg malas... dan kadang2 kedua2nya saling bergaduh
3) jika kedua2 calon tidak saling suka menyukai...(sebab sekarang ni byk orang kahwin setakat nak puaskan nafsu)

tapi kalau mau kahwin campur kahwin la orang2 yg otaknya bagus2 tiada pemikiran negatif begitu juak perbuataannya

syarat nak kahwin..
1) serius nak kahwin...
2)Fikir betul-betul.
3)Selagi belum tenang jiwa, tunggu dulu. Usah tergopoh gapah. Mencari jodoh, perlukan panduan. Perlu ada sandaran ilmu dan petunjuk.

Apa tujuan berumahtangga?

“Begin with the end in mind“, adalah slogan kita untuk menepatkan matlamat kehidupan dan segenap peringkat perjalanannya.

matlamat bagi perkahwinan?

Berkahwin kerana harta? Harta bukan sumber bahagia. Donald Trumph yang kaya raya itu pun pernah mengeluh dalam temubualnya bersama John C. Maxwell, “aku melihat ramai orang yang lebih gembira hidupnya dari hidupku. Padaku mereka itulah orang yang berjaya. Tetapi semua orang mahu menjadi aku”

Harta bukan matlamat atau pertimbangan utama dalam menentukan pemilihan pasangan.
Berkahwin kerana keturunan? Keturunan bukan jaminan sumber bahagia. Syarifah hanya boleh berkahwin dengan Syed? Puteri hanya layak untuk Megat? Atau pantang keturunan berkahwin dengan ahli muzik bak kata Mak Dara? Soal keturunan bukan penentu mutlak kerana setiap manusia lahir dengan fitrah yang satu dan murni, lantas setiap mukallaf dan mukallafah mampu kembali kepada kemurnian itu, biar pun lahir ke dunia tanpa bapa yang sah sekali pun.

Keturunan bukan matlamat atau pertimbangan utama dalam menentukan pemilihan pasangan.

Berkahwin kerana kecantikan? Ahh, yang ini rumit barangkali. Cinta itu dari mata turun ke hati. Maka mata pemutus pertama. Jika berkenan di mata, mudahlah mata memujuk hati.

Tetapi selama mana kecantikan menyenangkan kehidupan? Kecantikan, biar secantik mana pun, akan pudar dengan perjalanan masa. Kecantikan, biar secantik mana sekali pun, boleh dicabar oleh naluri manusia yang mudah kalah dengan alasan JEMU.
Mahu berkahwin sementara cantik, dan buang selepas cantik dan kacak bergaya itu dimamah usia?

Cantik bukan sumber bahagia, ia bukan matlamat atau pertimbangan utama dalam menentukan pemilihan pasangan.

“Maka pilihlah yang memiliki agama… nescaya sejahtera hidupmu”, pesan Nabi SAW.
Benar sekali, pilihlah yang beragama.

tidak semestinya seorang ustaz atau ustazah janji dia benar2 berilmu agama islam..

Di sinilah penting untuk kita bezakan golongan yang TAHU agama, MAHU beragama dan MAMPU dalam beragama.

Soal mendapatkan ilmu sebagai jalan beragama, adalah prinsip besar di dalam Islam. Lihat sahaja langkah pertama proses wahyu, ia bermula dengan perintah BACA sebagai wasilah menggarap pengetahuan.

“Yang memiliki agama” itu lebih luas dari sekadar sempadan tahu agama. Ia adalah soal

MAHU yang menjadikan pengetahuan agama itu dihayati, dan MAMPU dalam erti dia sentiasa bermujahadah untuk memperbaiki diri.

Maka janganlah disempitkan maksud mencari yang beragama itu hanya pada mereka yang berlabelkan “jenama TAHU agama” tetapi apa yang lebih penting adalah mereka yang MAHU dan terbukti pada perbuatan hariannya dia sentiasa berusaha menuju MAMPU.

wasalam... :surrender:
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby melati malam » Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:37 am

kahwin campur....hmmm...
dalam kehidupan kita harus lalui suka duka untuk kita catitkan dalam perjalanan hidup kita...
melati kawin jua orang melayu dari semenanjung..tak kekal..
dan tiba mat salleh pulak nak kawin dengan melati..so dia masuk Islam kerna mau kahwin...dia dimalaysia pun sekejap aja..kenal dia 6bulan bertunang then enam bulan kemudian kahwin...
dalam masa itu melati dapat custody anak perempuan melati...dengan suami dulu..so melati bawa keaustralia...
di australia melati tak serious dalam Islam..yang penting kebahagian rumah tangga ...mau semua terbaik untuk suami...dan anak2 mesti ku belai penoh kasih sayang..
suami tak hirau akan ugama ku..so tak berani nak pertekan akan Islam pada nya..dia nampak garang memang pun...kalau dia bersyarah...berjam ...dan mulut ini pun kadang suka luah rasa hati..mula berjam jua lah...adeh
hingga lahir anak ke empat..2 anak dengan nya..melati rasai segalanya tak seperti yang melati idamkan...
melati sorang yang hati suka puisi suka alam semula jadi dan dia kira kerat hati semua dia yang betul...berani kah melati membetulkan nya..pasti tak berani...
maka melati kenalkan anak2 untuk kehidupan didunia..di akhirat hanya mahu mereka percaya adanya Tuhan pencipta Alam..dan Pasti Islam ugama pilihan ku...
namun dalam keadaan sekeliling anak2 kurang pada kepercayaan ...hingga suka melati selit apa yang tersirat dihati.....
so melati hanya sembahyang dan berdoa sepenoh doa agar suami sujud dan anak2 ku jua sebegitu..tapi gagal...melati tak paksa anak2...marah leter gitu2 aja..
malah kalau marah2 pada mereka melati yang akan menangis later kerna kesal...teramat sayangkan mereka...pukul jarang sekali...mungkin yang bungsu ada kena lebeh sikit..tapi pasti melati rasa kesal dan pelok anak selepas ku pukul...

ok dah menjalar lak cerita melati...
jadi nya hidupku tak bahagia lama sekali tapi tak seorang pun dapat menduga..ibu bapa ku kata aku bertuah bersuami kan orang australia yang baik lebeh dari suami ku dulu...dan anak2 ku jua ibu ku tak tahu akan perjalanan hidup mereka..ya mereka tak makan babi atau pergi gereja ...tapi tak jua ke masjid...tapi ku ajar sikit aja...tak pksa...kerna bagi suami ku ugama mesti jangan ada paksaan....itu aku tahu...

so ku nanti sehingga anak ku yang bungsu sudah bekerja...baru aku benarkan my ex ceraikan aku...memang hidup kami sudah tak seperti suami isteri yang bagus ...tak bolih salah sikit aku akan di maki hamun....di ungkit segalanya...hingga perkara yang sekecil2 nya jadi besaran...anak2 lah yang aku kasihan..mereka mendengar mama mereka kena marah selalu..hingga bila anak ku yang bungsu dengar bapa nya marah...terus dia panggil aku kebiliknya memelok aku seerat2nya..aku sering menangis di bahu nya...
kasian dia lah yang miss aku ..dan jua kakak nya amat rindukan mama mereka ..namun aku tak dapat di sana ..hati aku luka teramat...biar ditampar ada rasa sakit nya tapi kalau di makin hamun dan sering kata kita bodoh maka kita kan terbawa2 bodoh ...mengaku kita bodoh.....
tapi kini ku tahu aku tak bodoh ...aku bolih hidup sendiri...dan lebeh ramai kenalan dari nya..yang tak banyak sahabat kerna mulutnya...


memang berdosa melati pada tuhan tak mengajar anak2 ku akan ugama ..tapi kini ku sujud mohon tuhan bukan pintu hati mereka agar menerima islam sebagai ugama mereka...dan aku sering selitkan ayat2 suci dan makna dalam email pada mereka..dan pulang ku dulu ..ku tulis ayat kursi tinggalkan agar mereka hayati....

tuhan yang membuka hati ini memilih sabah ..negeri yang menerima segalanya dengan seadanya...tanpa ada bedaan kaum dan agama...
melati tetap berdoa setiap waktu tak kira masa solat atau dalam kereta berzikir dan mohon tuhan buka hati anak2ku agar lihat sinar Islam yang indah...

kini aku jatuh hati dengan orang semenanjung...kerna dia yang jatuh hati dengan melati..melati ni malas nak cari pacaran...biar yq datang pada melati...
my ex pun sama dia yang cari melati....

insan ini bekerja di sabah...tapi hati melati takut ...takut keluarga nya tak menerima melati yang tau lah cara melati mulut melati ..dan separuh umur ku di negeri barat...cara pemikiran dah bercampur timur barat ni..aduiii...

bukan tak suka orang sabah yer..tapi tak ada yang datang menyapa....
so melati masih nak yang Islam biar kekadang bersolat jemaah dirumah dengan suami nanti..itu yang melati mimpikan ..tak bisa sorang pun bersolat dengan melati msa melati kawin dulu...tapi melati nak bakal suami bukan yang mahu menukar cara fesyen ku...itu penting...

setelah gagal dalam perkahwinan kenapa melati mau terjun lagi dalam alam perkahwinan...
hanya yang berkahwin tahu rahsia indah berkahwin......ada tempat untuk bebicara...ada orang yang sudi buat kita tawa..dan sebgainya...
namun adakah itu kekal selamanya..ni yang bermain di otak melati...

ada kawan bertanya ...kakak angkat di melbourne...have u got a guy yet? ..mereka mau lihat melati happy bercinta..
ada pulak pulak yang berkata...sudah lah tu...kan nanti kalau kawin u derita...
ada yang kata kwin lah orang barat..tak semua macam your ex...
ada yang kata kawin lah orang kita ...nanti bahagia..tapi melati dah kawin orang kita pun...aduuiii...

olih kerna melati tak nak ganggu dan menyusahkan anak2 melati lari ke Sabah negeri yang ku impikan...biar jauh dari anak di penang jauh dari anak2 di melbourne...
mereka dah ada penghidupan sendiri...tak nak lah menyusah anak2..terutama melati yang mulut suka berbicara ..jemu anak2 nanti...

selagi ada daya melati mau kerja..dan kini lihat apa yang melati cerita ada yang sudi mendengar dan percaya akan produk yang melati amalkan...dan sering dimana2 melati pergi ada yang sudi buat kawan...ramai kawan ...

namun melati tetap pilih untuk bersendiri lebeh baik dari menumpang anak2...bersuami mungkin bagus ada teman bersenda dan mengadu...

tapi hati gementar..dapatkah ku bahagiakan dia dan dapat kah dia menerima ku yang ala gypsy dan suka jalan sana2 sini..dan mesra berbicara dengan semua orang...
dapat kah aku sesuaikan diri kembali dengan mertua dan ipar2..aduiiii...

tak bercinta memang nak bercinta ...dah simpan lama benar cinta ini...nak luah pada kekasih iaitu suami.....

back to the topic...bercinta tak kira ugama dan bangsa....dan tak dapat kita menyekat rasa hati ..biar pun ramai kita lihat yang kecundang...hati bila berbenih cinta tak kira siapa ...itu lah pengalaman hidup dah tertulis dalam kehidupan kita sama ada kita sedar atau tidak...

YANG TERPENTING...biar apa pun terjadi dalam hidup kita...bila kita sudah lalui jangan lah kesal...kerna dalam perjalanan hidup itu kita belajar...renungkan lah kembali..apa yang kita perolihi...yang mematangkan kita jadi manusia yang lebeh luas pandangan..dan dapat menerima hakikat hidup di dunia ini...

melati hanya berdoa tuhan ampunkan dosa melati selama ini..dan melati akan balas dengan berbakti dan menjadi seorang isteri yang amat suami sayangi dan di restui Allah swt...
*tentang anjing melati bela anjing masa kahwin dengan suami melayu dulu...kerna seekor anjing sering ikut melati pergi kemana2..anjing kurap..so melati malu lah...(ini duduk di kampung yang ramai ada membela anjing kerna ramai comunist ), ini di kedah...so melati masak nasi dengan lauk dan letak vitamin beri pada anjing tu makan ..ini kasi dari tingkap tau...dan bila anjing tu asyik makan..melati tuang air bancuhan detol pada badan nya...wah dua minggu bulu dia cantik lincin tak ada kudis dan bersinar hitam..dan dia jaga rumah melati ..siapa dekat waktu malam mesti dia menyalak..dan bila melati ke sungai basuh baju...anjing disebelah..hingga ada askar diseberang sungai bertanya "itu anjing cik ke" dengan bangga melati kata "ya".

dan bila kawin mat salleh kat penang ada pulak anjing asyik masuk kat ruang halaman rumah...ini sebelum ke australia..so melati kasi makan so dia jaga kami bagus..kalau orang nak masuk kena lah kasi tau ..rantaikan anjing kami dulu kalau tak akan di salak sekuat nya..hingga satu tika orang bawa tong gas kena corner...anjing tak gigit hanya menyalak dan buat Indian guy tak bergerak hingga melati keluar ...baru lah dia bolih bergerak...

dan bila di australia...my ex tukar ke tempat pendalaman melati nak anjing jaga kami bila dia tak ada dirumah bertugas luar ..so kami beli german sherperd ...dari umur 6minggu ..hidup hingga 16thn anjing itu..dan dia macam anak2 aja perangai nya...mati kena cancer...semua nama anjing melati bernama TOPAZ...

hanya babi melati tak sentuh..tapi memang cute bila yang baby tu tapi bila yang dewasa aduiii ada yang besar benar...

melati memang suka binatang...hanya tak kasi anak2 jadi vet ...

kesimpulannya..kahwin campur tak ada halangan,..hanya kita mesti banyak berkorban...tapi musim christmas dapat hadiah gak...kerna sambut bersama keluarga my ex hanya bukan untuk ugama tapi untuk berkumpul...mertua dulu tak berugama...tak religious ...


dan biar apa pun terjadi pada kita wanita jangan berputus asa.......

itu lah kisah ku...dalam hidup tak perlu menyembunyi rahsia kehidupan andai ia bolih dijadikan pendoman...

salam mesra
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Red wine » Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:44 am

Oh,,so bad! so sad!,
But Doesn't mean all ending with terrible story, I pun kawin orang luar, But before I kawin I dah fikir masak masak, I have ask my husband to sign agreement infront of the lawyer, no matter what happen with our relationship, anak mesti I punya, kecuali Im fail to be a good mama,He is quie gantlemen juga lah he agree,,then anak I with me, husband kdg2 ajo balik malaysia, I ask him to married with someone else at his country so he wont feel bored, but he say, god his plan everything to us like this so,, we have to enjoy it,, so macam ni lah life I,,Im independent women,I love my baby,I love my hubby,,but tak tau lah, I short circuit ke apo but Im not worry even my hubby nak kahwin lain if he wantlah,,yang penting both of us happy, yang I tau I happy, he happy, anak happy cukup,,
Until now im happy
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Allker » Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:00 pm

Red wine wrote:Oh,,so bad! so sad!,
But Doesn't mean all ending with terrible story, I pun kawin orang luar, But before I kawin I dah fikir masak masak, I have ask my husband to sign agreement infront of the lawyer, no matter what happen with our relationship, anak mesti I punya, kecuali Im fail to be a good mama,He is quie gantlemen juga lah he agree,,then anak I with me, husband kdg2 ajo balik malaysia, I ask him to married with someone else at his country so he wont feel bored, but he say, god his plan everything to us like this so,, we have to enjoy it,, so macam ni lah life I,,Im independent women,I love my baby,I love my hubby,,but tak tau lah, I short circuit ke apo but Im not worry even my hubby nak kahwin lain if he wantlah,,yang penting both of us happy, yang I tau I happy, he happy, anak happy cukup,,
Until now im happy
This is call mix married kali

Lama tidak jumpa ko RW...hehehe..tahniah juga sebab ada baby...mesti comel macam parent dia kan...kacukan bah...
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby evanshill » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:22 pm

Atukoi85 wrote:Sy mo share sama kawan2 dan buss semua tentang cerita ini yang sy baca di blog. Apa pendapat kamu semua tentang kisah si Clarice Gilbert ni?

"Mr Lucius,

Saya ni pembaca hantu blog Lucius semenjak tahun lepas lagi. Memang selama ini tidak pernah bagi komen langsung, baca saja. Tapi kali ni saya terasa mo komen kerana pos Lucius sangat bersangkut-paut dengan diri saya.

Sebelum saya proceed, mo kasi warning awal-awal yang komen saya ni agak panjang juga. Harap Lucius paham. Dan satu lagi maybe I will mix between malay and English through out the writing. I hope its okay.

Well the most interesting part for me bout your post is the one on mix marriage between semenanjung and Sabahan. Sebab isu ini sangkut-paut dengan saya, I have been thru it and I just wanna share it here with you and the readers.

I am a Murut woman, married to a Malay guy from Melaka for 2 years before we finally agreed to go separate ways (bercerai talak satu) early last year. Yes I was a Christian before marrying him. For the sake of marriage I converted to Islam. Now selepas kena cerai talak satu, saya sendiri pun tidak tahu if I am still a Muslim atau tukar balik jadi Christian.

Tough thing kan?

We got to know each other during my study years in semenanjung, at Universiti Malaya. He is already a career guy during that time, 27 years old and I was 24. We dated for 3 years before he finally decided to propose me.

Mula tu memang susah. Macam Lucius cakap dalam pos, we have the differences. The race and religion of course jadi isu yang paling besar. I was reluctant to convert, I grow up as Christian so what do you expect? And marrying him bermakna I am breaking the family tradition. None in our family has ever married a Malay Muslim before.

But he assure me that everything gonna be okay. Of course la he wont be expecting me to tiba-tiba pakai tudung and shits. I mean despite him being a Muslim as you know, he still drinks, gamble (beli nombor) and yes we slept together before getting married.

No issue kan, those kinda things are normal.

So walaupun saya reluctant mulanya, I finally agreed to marry him. I trust he will be reasonable with me, tak terlalu demanding on the religion part and flexible on me being a Sabahan Murut, my lifestyle and my family yang Christian.

The family on both sides, well they are not very enthusiastic with it. His family kinda berat hati and my family pun sama. But again we believe its not going to be a problem, as long as we both love each other the family issue shouldn’t be the batu penghalang.

So I did the conversion thing, belajar about Islam sikit and yes even went thru a painful process to get rid of my butterfly tattoo, becoz he said kubur tak terima my body nanti when I pass away?! And before I can really pronounce the syahadah perfectly, we are married.

As we both working in KL the city become our home base. Things seem pretty cool, he is still the liberal guy I know doing things which I have learnt are sinful and haram to Muslim. I was not being told to wear tudung, sembahyang pun tak kena paksa. But of course la I stayed away from church, I no longer wear my cross necklace because as he said I am a Muslim and no longer a Christian.

Psst, but tell you I still don’t have faith in Islam. Another story.

But I guess this is the thing about the Malay. They can be so open and liberal but yet so close minded on other religion. Macam yang Lucius pernah cakap, Malay can drink, have sex and gamble but then when they see the cross of Christ or heard anything about church they start to become orang alim dan ustaz.

Right?

So he still drinks. But when it comes to Christmas and I begging him to take time off so we both can go back to Sabah and celebrate it with my family, he start giving excuses. And one of it was we are Muslim so there’s no need to celebrate Christmas!

Tapi niat saya balik is just to spend time with family, becoz Christmas is our annual family gathering just like balik kampung for hari raya. I don’t need to go to church or whatever. It’s fine with me.

But not ok to him?!

And even when one of my cousin getting married, and of course la as Christian she getting married at the church, he still refuse to come back to sabah and attend the wedding. I was damn pissed, question is murtad ke kalau masuk church?

His excuse was it’s a Christian punya worship house so Muslim takleh masuk. And plus the wedding ceremony involve some religious ritual which the muslim cant take part.

His *CENSORED*. I wonder lak drinking beer and gambling tu bukan haram ke dan lagi berdosa? And yet he still does that.

One year into the marriage, I started to feel unhappy with him. I sense he is trying to keep me away from my family. Yet also at the same time I found myself not being accepted by his family. Balik raya, I felt alienated by his huge family of 7 siblings, yang semuanya semenanjung people. Just because I am a non-malay and used to be a Christian.

Bullshit lah!

And I know his mother never approved of our marriage. I happened to discover this myself when she talk to one of his sister yang she have to let him marry me becoz her son dah kemaruk sangat, maybe becoz dah kena sihir with me.

Another bullshit!

But believe me the worst is yet to come. I got pregnant and when I thought this will at least make things better for me and him and his family, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise!

I give birth to a baby boy. And biasalah after labor while still dalam pantang, I prefer to went back to sabah with the baby and stay with my parents. I prefer my mum to look after me and the baby but what I got was a big no-no.

The reason because his family want him to send me to them. Because kalau saya balik sabah the baby gonna grow up in a Christian environment and kena baptized di church dan jadi murtad!

It all went downhill from there. I cant take this anymore, all this effort to pisahkan myself from my family, his paranoia to my family and such. I feel he never try to understand my family and our culture. I think he is behaving like a hypocrite becoz perasan macam dia alim sangat tapi still buat benda yang haram.

All this because him being a malay muslim dari semenanjung, yang memang anti dan takut sangat dengan Christian.

So why bother to marry me at 1st place if he cant take this differences?

It is all the same kan? He met me and thinks he is so cool dating a non-malay and non-muslim. So liberal and open minded in the beginning tapi once they start the family, tiba-tiba rasa insaf and try to be true muslim.

Tapi true on the part yang menguntungkan dia saja la.

We got ourselves into a lot of argument. I demand more rights for myself, right to be with my family, right to be respected by him and right to be fully understood on my culture. He never give a damn bout all that.

What happens next? His family interfere and his mother start telling him it’s a mistake to marry me. And me being a converted muslim apa semua, kononnya tak berakhlak and terbawa-bawa perangai jahat myself when I was a Christian before.

Like his CENSORED son tu baik sangat.

I had enough. I cant live with him, I cant let him take me away from my beloved family. Saya tak boleh hidup dengan orang yang tak boleh memahami dan menghormati saya, budaya saya dan cara hidup saya.

We went through a lengthy divorce process. Of course la kan the Islamic way. Naik turun mahkamah syariah and yes I tell u, all the time it was like I am the one, the culprit, the perempuan rosak who fail to be a true muslim.

Because I asked for the divorce.

And the law side with him. Even the hak penjagaan of my son was given to him. Because if my baby stay with me he is going to grow up in that Christian environment and jadi murtad like what they are so afraid of.

Apa yang saya dapat? Nothing.

I wasted 2 years of my life with him, 5 if you plus the dating years. I got scar at my back resulting from the painful tattoo removal process. I forgo the dream of every young Christian girl to walk down the aisle of the church with her dad because I chose to marry a muslim guy.

All that for him. And you know what he said to me after we finalize the cerai? He thinks he needs to be with a Malay muslim woman because he need such woman to take care and raise the family in a proper Malay muslim way. Because he is not so good in Islam so he needed someone with good knowledge on the religion to help guide him.

All this while, masa he so eager to ask me to marry him, tak pernah pun occur this entire thing. Why only after we got married?

Perhaps he changed. Maybe as he grow old and having responsibility baru sedar nak jadi alim, nak jadi true muslim nak jadi true Malay.

I don’t mind that. Yes I was willing to learn bout Islam, yes I was willing to listen to him just for the sake of the marriage and our little boy. The only thing that I asked him to tolerate is to accept my family, the differences they have. The only thing I need from him is to take me as I am. Yes I am not a Malay, I am a converted so live with my lacking that’s all.

But I guess not.

So Lucius that’s my story. I just wanna share it with you because I can see you are different. I don’t know if you are open and liberal now but mellow down once you start your family. We never know.

But knowing you through your blog, I guess maybe you are indeed different. You seems to be open to Christianity and other religion, you are more tolerant and hell you are even critical of your own religion (you muslim kan?).

Yes it didn’t work out between me and him because there was lack of tolerance, lack of understanding and willingness to accept each other differences. Like what you said. I agreed with what you wrote. Any semenanjung people who wish to marry sabahan, especially the non-muslim sabahan need to be able to tolerate, understand and willing.

I’d be lying if I tell you I have no regret with the decision I made. Because of what happen I quit my job, come back here to sabah to live with my family. I need them, their support. And yes the environment here, the openness here makes me feel better and able to assimilate (pinjam kata Lucius) as I have been before.

It’s painful of course. Kalau saya mahu jumpa anak saya, I have to go there to semenanjung. I can’t take him back here even for a week or two because ‘the lack of Islamic environment in the family’, as what the syariah court decides.

Him? He is happy now married to a Malay woman yang semestinya true Islam. Just like what he need I guessed.

I guess that’s all. Panjang saya membebel. I have to create a different blogger ID, privatize it because kalau anonymous I don’t think you would entertain me (not that I need attention). But privatize because I know there will be assholes like him who will going to attack me personally.

Sorry I took kinda long commenting. But I just want to share what I have experienced on this mix marriage thing.

Maybe this can be a story to share with others. I know there are many other sabahan out there who married semenanjung people, especially those who have to convert and such. And maybe to those sabahan (girls especially) who are non-muslim and planning to marry their muslim boyfriend, at least my story can give you all something to prepare for or work out with your boyfriend before procceding with the marriage.

You don’t have to reply this Mr Lucius but yes I do hope if you can say something on this. You always have a different view on thing and I would love to know what you think.

Thanks for the time. Saya rasa macam menulis untuk cik sri siantan."

Jadi apa pendapat kamu semua? Kisah ini sy ambil di ruangan komen di blog ini:
http://tronohtranquility.blogspot.com/2009/06/antara-bambangan-dan-wang-berian.html



Kwin campur?susah jga mo ckp ooo...well i knw ni post sdh lama but i wan to share some stories la abt Sabahan yg kawin campur pastu nda kena appreciate by their malay hubby. Bukan bertujuan mo kasi malu sepa2 ni jst sharing ja...

masa sa baru start msuk keja ni 1 kompeni sa kenal la satu ppuan dia dlm in mid 40 y.0 la.dan baru jga msuk keja sma2 sa.at first sa nda tau dia converted tp sa heran why klu dgn sa dia kasitau nama christian dia ngan org lain dia bg nama islam dia dan baru la pla sa tau dia converted and divorce. dia ckp dulu masa dia knal ex hubby dia ni dia d sabah. so ni lelaki mati2 mo kwin dia.bah jd kawin la drg pastu ikut laki p semenanjung...mula2 tu ok dia ckp last2 dia pla terpaksa sara laki dia pastu jealous bukan main teruk..klu nda silap kena pukul ka lagi dia..so cerai la drg..tp anak kawan sa ni nda dpt coz anak mesti tgl dgn bapa coz alasan mcm yg si clarice tu ckp la...

so i thg lpas cerai tu lelaki nda bg pun nafkah..jd kwn sa ni terkial2 la seorg diri...klu mo ckp pkai tudung tu on and off sa tingu mcm bingung... and hubungan ngan kuarga pun mcm nda ngam..sedih jga la sa tinguk...

jd advice sa, sebelum ambik keputusan mo kawin cmpur ni bgus pkir btul2...dulu time sa study ada stu mmber org sbh jga ada bf org semenanjung so hari raya dia ikut la bf dia plg msia, smpai ja d umah bf dia mcm kena alienated smpai mama bf dia tu boleh ckp tu ppuan nda guna tu tg atas pokok dr sbh mati pun sa nda mo dia jd menantu sa..smpai gtu ba...trus kuarga bf kwn sa tu panggil kwn sa bibik.mmg btul2 nda ada adab kan..
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby evanshill » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:25 pm

Allker wrote:
Red wine wrote:Oh,,so bad! so sad!,
But Doesn't mean all ending with terrible story, I pun kawin orang luar, But before I kawin I dah fikir masak masak, I have ask my husband to sign agreement infront of the lawyer, no matter what happen with our relationship, anak mesti I punya, kecuali Im fail to be a good mama,He is quie gantlemen juga lah he agree,,then anak I with me, husband kdg2 ajo balik malaysia, I ask him to married with someone else at his country so he wont feel bored, but he say, god his plan everything to us like this so,, we have to enjoy it,, so macam ni lah life I,,Im independent women,I love my baby,I love my hubby,,but tak tau lah, I short circuit ke apo but Im not worry even my hubby nak kahwin lain if he wantlah,,yang penting both of us happy, yang I tau I happy, he happy, anak happy cukup,,
Until now im happy
This is call mix married kali

Lama tidak jumpa ko RW...hehehe..tahniah juga sebab ada baby...mesti comel macam parent dia kan...kacukan bah...



wa mcm sa ja ketinggalan..rw kwin ngan org pa...siap ada baby lg..bestnya
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby Red wine » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:09 pm

evanshill wrote:
Allker wrote:
Red wine wrote:Oh,,so bad! so sad!,
But Doesn't mean all ending with terrible story, I pun kawin orang luar, But before I kawin I dah fikir masak masak, I have ask my husband to sign agreement infront of the lawyer, no matter what happen with our relationship, anak mesti I punya, kecuali Im fail to be a good mama,He is quie gantlemen juga lah he agree,,then anak I with me, husband kdg2 ajo balik malaysia, I ask him to married with someone else at his country so he wont feel bored, but he say, god his plan everything to us like this so,, we have to enjoy it,, so macam ni lah life I,,Im independent women,I love my baby,I love my hubby,,but tak tau lah, I short circuit ke apo but Im not worry even my hubby nak kahwin lain if he wantlah,,yang penting both of us happy, yang I tau I happy, he happy, anak happy cukup,,
Until now im happy
This is call mix married kali

Lama tidak jumpa ko RW...hehehe..tahniah juga sebab ada baby...mesti comel macam parent dia kan...kacukan bah...



wa mcm sa ja ketinggalan..rw kwin ngan org pa...siap ada baby lg..bestnya

Hi hi hi,,baby boy,,tapi IC bangsa dusun juga boh, dady America Latin,,kawin anak dusun ,, then baby macam the rock,,telingo sija ikut saya,,alamak, :slaugh: :slaugh:
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Re: Kahwin Campur

Postby evanshill » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:18 pm

eeeeeee ok tu..handsem..hehehehheh...
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